cyrano_says

Ubuntu madness

2012-02-15T21:23:00.001-08:00

I have been a long standing user of Ubuntu or rather an "Ubuntu customizer".

I would always get the latest version of ubuntu, try it out, customize anything and everything and then get bored of it. The fun part is in customizing it. I would hit a ton of dead ends and searching and twiddling and breaking would finally lead to either frustration or satisfaction that I finally got what I set out to get.

Ubuntu 11.10:

One of the most annoying things about 11.10 is the themes. They just wiped it clean !!!!!! What were they thinking.

So I have spent many hours looking at various forums and reading people's frustrations.

I hope they fix it in the next release. They better !!!!

Useful tips:

Install dconf-editor.

You can go to org->gnome->desktop->interface and set the gtk-color to anything you want. Its pretty neat. The fact that you can change a text and the whole system reflects it.

Another useful tool is the compiz-settings. You can modify the unity bar using this.

The third one that I have found useful is the advanced settings. gnome-tweak-tools. You can change thewindow border and icons using this tool.

10 skills developers will need in the next five years

2009-04-02T09:36:00.001-07:00

Source:
http://blogs.techrepublic.com.com/10things/?p=643

With the recent changes in the economy, a lot of developers are focused on their short-term job prospects. At the same time, it’s important to make sure that you get the most bang for your buck when it comes to taking the time and energy to learn new skills. Here is our list of 10 skills you should be learning right now to make sure that your resume is relevant for the next five years. The list is hardly exhaustive, and there are huge swaths of the industry it won’t cover (mainframe developers, for example). Nonetheless, for average mainstream development, you can’t go wrong learning at least seven of these skills — not only to the point where you can talk convincingly about them at a job interview, but actually use them on the job.

Note: This article is also available as a PDF download.

1: One of the “Big Three” (.NET, Java, PHP)

Unless there is a radical shift in the development world (akin to an asteroid hitting Redmond), most developers will need to know at least one of the Big Three development systems — .NET (VB.NET or C#), Java, or PHP — for the near future. It’s not enough to know the core languages, either. As projects encompass more and more disparate functionality, you’ll need to know the associated frameworks and libraries more deeply.

2: Rich Internet Applications (RIAs)

Love it or hate it, in the last few years, Flash is suddenly being used for more than just animations of politicians singing goofy songs. Flash has also sprouted additional functionality in the form or Flex and AIR. Flash’s competitors, such as JavaFx and Silverlight, are also upping the ante on features and performance. To make things even more complicated, HTML 5 is incorporating all sorts of RIA functionality, including database connectivity, and putting the formal W3C stamp on AJAX. In the near future, being an RIA pro will be a key resume differentiator.

3: Web development

Web development is not going away anytime soon. Many developers have been content to lay back and ignore the Web or to just stick to “the basics” their framework provides them with. But companies have been demanding more and more who really know how to work with the underlying technology at a “hand code” level. So bone up on JavaScript, CSS, and HTML to succeed over the next five years.

4: Web services

REST or SOAP? JSON or XML? While the choices and the answers depend on the project, it’s getting increasingly difficult to be a developer (even one not writing Web applications) without consuming or creating a Web service. Even areas that used to be ODBC, COM, or RPC domains are now being transitioned to Web services of some variety. Developers who can’t work with Web services will find themselves relegated to legacy and maintenance roles.

5: Soft skills

One trend that has been going for quite some time is the increasing visibility of IT within and outside the enterprise. Developers are being brought into more and more non-development meetings and processes to provide feedback. For example, the CFO can’t change the accounting rules without working with IT to update the systems. And an operations manager can’t change a call center process without IT updating the CRM workflow. Likewise, customers often need to work directly with the development teams to make sure that their needs are met. Will every developer need to go to Toastmasters or study How to Win Friends and Influence People? No. But the developers who do will be much more valuable to their employers — and highly sought after in the job market.

6: One dynamic and/or functional programming language

Languages like Ruby, Python, F#, and Groovy still aren’t quite mainstream – but the ideas in them are. For example, the LINQ system in Microsoft’s .NET is a direct descendent of functional programming techniques. Both Ruby and Python are becoming hot in some sectors, thanks to the Rails framework and Silverlight, respectively. Learning one of these languages won’t just improve your resume, though; it will expand your horizons. Every top-flight developer I’ve met recommends learning at least one dynamic or functional programming language to learn new ways of thinking, and from personal experience, I can tell you that it works.

7: Agile methodologies

When Agile first hit mainstream awareness, I was a skeptic, along with many other folks I know. It seemed to be some sort of knee-jerk reaction to tradition, throwing away the controls and standards in favor of anarchy. But as time went on, the ideas behind Agile became both better defined and better expressed. Many shops are either adopting Agile or running proof-of-concept experiments with Agile. While Agile is not the ultimate panacea for project failure, it does indeed have a place on many projects. Developers with a proven track record of understanding and succeeding in Agile environments will be in increasingly high demand over the next few years.

8: Domain knowledge

Hand-in-hand with Agile methodologies, development teams are increasingly being viewed as partners in the definition of projects. This means that developers who understand the problem domain are able to contribute to the project in a highly visible, valuable way. With Agile, a developer who can say, “From here, we can also add this functionality fairly easily, and it will get us a lot of value,” or “Gee, that requirement really doesn’t match the usage patterns our logs show” will excel. As much as many developers resist the idea of having to know anything about the problem domain at all, it is undeniable that increasing numbers of organizations prefer (if not require) developers to at least understand the basics.

9: Development “hygiene”

A few years ago, many (if not most) shops did not have access to bug tracking systems, version control, and other such tools; it was just the developers and their IDE of choice. But thanks to the development of new, integrated stacks, like the Microsoft Visual Studio Team System, and the explosion in availability of high quality, open source environments, organizations without these tools are becoming much less common. Developers must know more than just how to check code in and out of source control or how to use the VM system to build test environments. They need to have a rigorous habit of hygiene in place to make sure that they are properly coordinating with their teams. “Code cowboys” who store everything on a personal USB drive, don’t document which changes correspond to which task item, and so on, are unwelcome in more traditional shops and even more unwelcome in Agile environments, which rely on a tight coordination between team members to operate.

10: Mobile development

The late 1990s saw Web development rise to mainstream acceptance and then begin to marginalize traditional desktop applications in many areas. In 2008, mobile development left the launch pad, and over the next five years, it will become increasingly important. There are, of course, different approaches to mobile development: Web applications designed to work on mobile devices, RIAs aimed at that market, and applications that run directly on the devices. Regardless of which of these paths you choose, adding mobile development to your skill set will ensure that you are in demand for the future.

Hilarious... questions about India ..

2009-03-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

These answers are the actual responses to the questions on the website posed
by those who are planning a visit to India:

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks?
( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a
list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? (
USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean
which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every
Tuesday night in Goa .

Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure,
the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa , straight
after the hippo races.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year
round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in India ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA )
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

If you watch the movie `Jaws' backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach.

2009-02-20T11:58:00.000-08:00

[[ Reddit Comments ]]

manwithabadheart 387 points 4 hours ago[-]

If you watch Heroes backwards you realise that it's been getting progressively better over time.

meep-meep 161 points 3 hours ago[-]

If you watch Friends backwards, Courtney Cox seems to get older somehow. I think it's the hair.

jtq1 231 points 3 hours ago[-]

If you watch House backwards, it's still never lupus.

jetmalani 424 points 3 hours ago[-]

If you watch Rambo backwards, it's Sylvester Stallone healing people with his magical bullet vacuum.

alexs 130 points 3 hours ago[-]

And repairing helicopters with nothing but a bow and arrow.

smpx 214 points 2 hours ago[-]

If you watch Fight Club backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy streetperson into a successful productive member of society.

twistedcain 116 points 2 hours ago[-]

If you watch the 1997 version of Episode IV backwards, Greedo shoots first.

Highborn 215 points 2 hours ago[-]

If you watch Memento backwards, it makes complete sense.

CaspianX2 190 points 2 hours ago[-]

If you watch the Lord of the Ring trilogy backwards, it's a saga about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the films walking home.

continue this thread

load more comments (5 replies)

RyVal 49 points 1 hour ago[-]

If you watch this thread backwards you see it get progressively more funny.

load more comments (2 replies)

ImNotAHugeJourneyFan 26 points 2 hours ago[-]

If you watch Wizard of Oz Backwards while playing Dark Side backwards, you got too much time and/or LSD on your hands.

imdk 20 points 2 hours ago[-]

if you read this thread backwards you will think that it starts off as crap (myself included) and in the end it develops a wicked sense of humor

bunjamins 11 points 2 hours ago* [-]

If you watch the neverending story backwards, a big turtle sucks up clouds, a horse emerges from the mud and a bunch of boys keep pulling their best friend out of the dumpster.

nokilli 53 points 2 hours ago[-]

If you watch Firefly backwards you realize that Fox executives are still a bunch of retarded assholes.

Ardentfrost 20 points 2 hours ago[-]

2009-01-02T14:22:00.000-08:00

My first post for the new Year (2009).

Happy New YEAR to all...

Hope this one turns out better than last year but then not many have been as bad as last year.

http://incredimazing.com/page/Are_you_the_friend

Its a scary scary world

2008-12-12T17:41:00.000-08:00

This year and especially the past few months have been very turbulent.
The mumbai attacks and the widespread economy crisis have left everyone doubting everything.

What is the world coming to !!!!!
When I was a kid I envisioned a world where we could make a difference but then life has a way of deciding our paths.

I hope this is not the beginning of the END.
This is like the world in "Terminator" but instead of being taken over by machines our world is being taken over by "us". In a sense the machines represent all the havoc that we are creating. Religious conflicts.. murders.. economy crisis..

What is the cause of all this ??
Greed , Corruption , Fanaticism !!!

Hypothetically, can we make a difference?
Can we imagine an ideal world created by us where every individual makes a conscious effort everyday to keep the world as clean as he can.
Can we work backwards from that point to figure out all the changes that each and everyone of us have to make to reach there?

I am just a hopeless dreamer.

Quantum Of Solace

2008-11-16T20:19:00.000-08:00

I went for this movie yesterday. I have been waiting eagerly for this one, since the last few months have been getting a lot of crappy releases.

I am and (hopefully) will always remain an ardent James Bond fan.
I have seen almost all the Bond movies.

I have had a hard time getting used to Pierce Brosnan's Bond but oddly enough it has been easier accepting Daniel Craig's version. I did have initial skepticism but Casino Royale convinced me that Daniel was going to bring in a new "Era of Bondness" to the franchise.

I am with all the other followers that Daniel Craig's movies are not "classic" Bond movies.. they are not... we have to accept it and move along.

This year has seen movies like Dark Knight, Bourne Ultimatum and Iron Man. They are not the classic heroes but the new age of heroes are lean mean.. fighting machines.. (superman.. take notice). In a similar style Quantum of Solace is all about the meanness. We are given a feel of what MI 6 is up against in Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace builds up on that. Daniel does justice as Bond, the remorseless Brit Agent with his own agenda.

Cons: The only con I have with the movie is .. "where are the Gadgets.. helloooo..." How can you have indiana jones without his whip or batman without his batmobile.

The only gadget Bond seems to have is a cell phone which is pretty lame considering the fact that iphone or Gphone would actually be more cooler and more functional than the phone he had.

Overall... it was a good movie and I left the theater feeling happy and eagerly waiting for the next one.
Go BOND..

The Ultimate Guide to Stress Relief

2008-11-06T12:16:00.000-08:00

Posted by Aaron Gaul on November 5th, 2008

Stress is bad, right? Or is it good? Well, if you talk to the experts, they’ll say both are true. You need some stress to just get out of bed in the morning. And when you drive to work in your car, you need stress to stay alert and respond to what is in front of you. So stress has its place. But what if a high level of stress goes on and on? The doctors tell us that ongoing stress becomes Chronic Stress. Chronic Stress is bad news. It shuts down your immune system so you are susceptible to illness, and it robs you of a good night’s sleep.

Fortunately there is a solution. The key is to learn how to inhibit the Stress Response and enter into the Rest Response. If you want to change your stressful-ways, you need to develop and use new stress relief skills. Learn the techniques to direct your mind and body away from stress and into a restful state. Notice I said, “Learn.” That is because stress is automatic; it comes with the human operating system. However, rest and relaxation need to be learned and practiced — they do not come naturally.
So What is Stress?

Stress is your body’s response to the fear perceived by your mind. There are many fears and stresses we as humans have in common — pain and humiliation, to name a couple. There are also many stressors that are particular to each individual. For example, I think spiders are kind of cool; I like to see them crawl on my arm. I know a lot of people who freak out about this and run away screaming. Big stressor for them! You should become aware of what your own particular stressors are.

When your mind recognizes a stressful situation (spiders or 700 point drop in the Stock Market), it immediately alerts your nervous system and endocrine system. From there, every cell in your body gets on the stress express. Everything nonessential in your body shuts down: immune system, cell regeneration, creative thinking processes, etc. Your heart speeds up, breathing becomes rapid, and blood is diverted from your internal organs. You are ready to fight or flee. All this is good if a deer just jumped in front of your car, or you have to dive for the telephone to call your stockbroker.
When Stress Goes Wrong

When stress continues from one crisis to the next, or happens frequently, then your body does not have a chance to fully recover from the stress. If stress continues for a day, or a number of days, then you can expect serious health problems will follow.

During times of chronic stress, stress hormones are released in your bloodstream. Serotonin in your brain (that is your happy brain hormone) is inhibited by excess cortisol, so you feel depressed more of the time. Chronic Stress adversely affects just about every cell in your body. It can even unravel the strands of your DNA. (Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.) Getting to the point, about 90% of all illnesses today are caused by stress. Not a pretty picture. But don’t let me scare you. All of this can be managed with a good set of Stress Relief Skills.
The Need for Stress Relief

So what do we know so far? We need stress to make it through the day. Chronic stress makes us sick. And rest does not come naturally; you have to learn it. So where is the balance between stress and rest? To maintain balance in your workday, you should regularly cycle between moderate stress and rest. After major stressful encounters your body and mind need to reenter a deeply relaxing state. This cycle between stress and rest may happen every few hours or even several times in one hour during your workday.

Stress followed by rest is the key. Fortunately you do not need to take a long nap or go play a round of golf every time you get stressed. Stress relief really only takes a few minutes and needs to become a habit. Once rest is a habit, you will be able to recover from stress in a few minutes, and you will not enter into Chronic Stress.

Stress Relief Skills

Briefly, here are three Stress Relief Skills you should learn and practice.

1. Relax your muscles: say the word “soft” in your mind, picture things that are soft, and in your mind feel the quality of softness. Place that soft image and feeling in all the tense places of your body: your forehead, neck and shoulders, lower back, hips, legs and feet. Use your imagination to search everywhere in your body that is tense and replace the tension with the feeling and image of “softness.” This will cause your muscles to relax and let go. With practice you can easily relax your whole body in 20 seconds while sitting at your desk.

2. Pay special attention to relaxing all the muscles you use for breathing. As you breathe, your rib cage should expand front, back, and side to side. A deep natural breath should move your whole torso and easily fill your lungs. Breathe naturally and not too deep. Allow your breath to slow down, keep your throat open, and make a slow smooth transition between each inhalation and exhalation. Do this breathing practice for at least two minutes. Done properly, this type of breathing will shift your Autonomic Nervous System to a relaxation response and increase your Heart Rate Variability — that is a good thing.

3. Give your mind a rest. When your mind is not thinking about the past or future, or not thinking at all, then you will avoid the stress response. Relax your eyes, look straight in front of you and slightly down, and do not move your eyes. In this way notice your entire field of vision, left to right, and top to bottom. Do not focus on any object, rather be conscious of your entire field of vision. You should feel a little “zoned out.” This practice will slow your mind and even allow it to stop briefly. Your mind needs to rest just as your muscles do.

Once you have learned these skills individually, you can practice them all together at once. This makes the process deeply restful and practical, as it should take only a few minutes — less than five. You should practice these skills several times a day and be sure to use them after every stressful experience.

Aaron Gaul is a Stress Relief Coach. He has studied in India and has a four-year degree from Antioch University in Spiritual Psychology. You can visit his website at www.StressReliefSkills.com

Weekend in Tahoe

2008-09-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

Interesting read on cyrber security

2008-07-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.catonmat.net/blog/how-cybercriminals-steal-money/

People

2008-07-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have come across interesting individuals in my life. Some have been my peers, friends, professors, relatives....

They inspire me. I add them to my list of role models that I look up to.

I feel sad whenever I move or they move and I have to say adieu to them.

Today might be one such day..

Adieu...

Charlie Bartlett

2008-07-11T00:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0423977/

This movie turned out to be one of those unexpected movies that is really good.
All the characters in the movie starting with the movie's protagonist Charlie Bartlett(Anton Yelchin) to his mother (Hope Davis) to "Iron Man" Downey Jr give memorable performances.

This movie falls into my list of movies "that just makes sense". I like it the way Charlie takes all the crap he goes through in life with a smile in his face. He tries to help everyone he can. In some sense he portrays the ideal attitude every teen should have.

Quoting Kat Dennings:
I think it's an important movie for teenagers to see. There was a time when I thought I was crazy but really I was just a teenager. It's important to realize you're not the only person going through it. (On Charlie Bartlett.)

How to win Arguments - Dos, Don’ts and Sneaky Tactics

2008-07-08T16:17:00.002-07:00

July 8th, 2008 in Communication

There is not much point in having brilliant ideas if we cannot persuade people of their value. Persuasive debaters can win arguments using the force of their reason and by the skillful deployment of many handy techniques. Here are some general dos and don’ts to help you win arguments together with some sneaky tactics to be aware of.

Do:

Stay calm. Even if you get passionate about your point you must stay cool and in command of your emotions. If you lose your temper – you lose.
Use facts as evidence for your position. Facts are hard to refute so gather some pertinent data before the argument starts. Surveys, statistics, quotes from relevant people and results are useful arguments to deploy in support of your case.
Ask questions. If you can ask the right questions you can stay in control of the discussion and make your opponent scramble for answers. You can ask questions that challenge his point, ‘What evidence do you have for that claim?’ You can ask hypothetical questions that extrapolate a trend and give your opponent a difficulty, ‘What would happen if every nation did that?’ Another useful type of question is one that calmly provokes your foe, ‘What is about this that makes you so angry?’
Use logic. Show how one idea follows another. Build your case and use logic to undermine your opponent.
Appeal to higher values. As well as logic you can use a little emotion by appealing to worthy motives that are hard to disagree with, ‘Shouldn’t we all be working to make the world better and safer for our children?’
Listen carefully. Many people are so focused on what they are going to say that they ignore their opponent and assume his arguments. It is better to listen carefully. You will observe weaknesses and flaws in his position and sometimes you will hear something new and informative!
Be prepared to concede a good point. Don’t argue every point for the sake of it. If your adversary makes a valid point then agree but outweigh it with a different argument. This makes you looked reasonable. ‘I agree with you that prison does not reform prisoners. That is generally true but prison still acts effectively as a deterrent and a punishment.’
Study your opponent. Know their strengths, weaknesses, beliefs and values. You can appeal to their higher values. You can exploit their weaknesses by turning their arguments back on them.
Look for a win-win. Be open-minded to a compromise position that accommodates your main points and some of your opponent’s. You cannot both win in a boxing match but you can both win in a negotiation.

Don’t:

Get personal. Direct attacks on your opponent’s lifestyle, integrity or honesty should be avoided. Attack the issue not the person. If the other party attacks you then you can take the high ground e.g.’ I am surprised at you making personal attacks like that. I think it would be better if we stuck to the main issue here rather than maligning people.’
Get distracted. Your opponent may try to throw you off the scent by introducing new and extraneous themes. You must be firm. ‘That is an entirely different issue which I am happy to discuss later. For the moment let’s deal with the major issue at hand.’
Water down your strong arguments with weak ones. If you have three strong points and two weaker ones then it is probably best to just focus on the strong. Make your points convincingly and ask for agreement. If you carry on and use the weaker arguments then your opponent can rebut them and make your overall case look weaker.

Low, sneaky ways that some people use to win arguments:

Use punchy one-liners. You can sometimes throw your opponent out of his stride by interjecting a confident, concise cliché. Here are some good ones:
- That begs the question.
- That is beside the point.
- You’re being defensive.
- Don’t compare apples and oranges.
- What are your parameters?
Ridicule and humiliate your opponent. This can be very effective in front of an audience but will never win over the opponent himself.
Deliberately provoke your adversary. Find something that makes them angry and keep wheedling away on this point until they lose their temper and so the argument.
Distract. Throw in diversions which deflect the other person from their main point.
Exaggerate your opponent’s position. Take it way beyond its intended level and then show how ridiculous and unreasonable the exaggerated position is.
Contradict confidently. Vigorously denounce each of your opponent’s arguments as fallacious but just select one or two that you can defeat to prove the point. Then assume that you have won.

Remember that an argument between two people is very different from a debate in front of an audience. In the first you are trying to win over the other person so look for ways of building consensus and do not be belligerent in making your points. In front of an audience you can use all sorts of theatrical and rhetorical devices to bolster your case and belittle your adversary. In these circumstances humour is a highly effective tool so prepare some clever lines in advance.

Nadal tops Federer

2008-07-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Nadal beats Federer in one of the best matches I have witnessed in a long long time.
Nadal came so close to win the fourth set. 2/5.
He had one point to take but Federer being Federer takes victory away from Nadal to play another set.
The last set was stopped due to rain. It was pretty frustrating that such a great match had to be stopped because of rain.
But the day was Nadals. Rain stopped and Nadal came back to claim his victory.
It was a sweet victory.
Federer was a gracious loser. He looked shocked for a while but after about 10 minutes and the loss had set in, he took it with grace and congratulated Nadal on his win.
Nadal was on top of the world with his wonderful win.
He became the second player in tennis history to win both the wimbledon and french open in the same season.

Sand Clock..

2008-06-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

Life has been very interesting.

I have been ranting and grumbling all my life. I have noticed this with a lot of my friends.

It looks like most of us spend most of our life grumbling -> "Why does this always happen to me"
My favorite, as used by one of my friends everyday of college.
"LIFE SUCKS"
He says it even today.

Sometimes when I am just walking or traveling and look out, those are the times I actually appreciate everything I have taken for granted - health,job,family,life.

LIFE AMBITION

2008-05-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

The Mission Statement That Changed The World

2008-03-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

From:

http://www.stephencovey.com/blog/?p=14a

This week we ask Dr. Covey:

Q: Who is one of your personal heroes?

A: Mahatma Gandhi. Let me read you his personal mission statement:

“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
* I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
* I shall fear only God.
* I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
* I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
* I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

I listened to Gandhi’s grandson talk about his life. Her name was Arun Gandhi and this is some of what she said.“Ironically, if it hadn’t been for racism and prejudice, we may not have had a Gandhi. See, it was the challenge, the public need for the public victory that developed the private victory. He may have been just another successful lawyer who had made a lot of money. But, because of prejudice in South Africa, he was subjected to humiliation within a week of his arrival. He was thrown off a train because of the color of his skin. And it humiliated him so much that he sat on the platform of the station all night, wondering what he could do to gain justice. His first response was one of anger.

He was so angry that he wanted eye for eye justice. He wanted to respond violently to the people that humiliated him. But he stopped himself, and said ‘that’s not right.’ It was not going to bring him justice. It might make him feel good for the moment, but it wasn’t going to get him any justice.

From that point onward, he developed the philosophy of non-violence and practiced it in his life, as well as in his search for justice in South Africa. He ended up staying in that country for 22 years. And then he went and led the movement of India. And that movement ended up with an independent country, something that no one would have ever envisioned.”

And just think on this, he held no formal authority. No position. Most people think that leadership is a position. It isn’t. Leadership is influence. The key to influence is what we’re talking about. You can have influence without position. So don’t be so dependent upon position or formal authority, but use your moral authority, what you know is right. Gandhi changed over three hundred million people using this. Today there are one billion people in India.

I love going to India. It’s a tremendous place. And he achieved many significant goals, but he didn’t achieve all of his goals. But eventually, it became an independent country with its own constitution and they could deal with their own problems, instead of having some steward oversee what they were doing and making judgments and setting up rules and regulations.

He’s one of my favorite heroes.

But you know what he did? He learned synergy within himself. He learned to create a third alternative: non-violent action. He was not going to run away, and he wasn’t going to fight. That’s what animals do. They fight and they flight. That’s what people often do, they fight or they flight, they run away. He worked it within himself until he won the private victory and learned the philosophy of his life. Non-violent action; a third alternative.

20 Things I'm Glad Life Taught Me

2008-02-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

Written by Andrew Galasetti of Lyved

Posted on 2/13/2008

How many times have you heard someone say, "Hindsight is always 20/20"? If you are like me, you hear it a lot and think it a lot more. Last year Jay wrote an article listing things he wished he'd known earlier. It got me thinking that the most crucial lessons in life and success aren't taught in books or written on blogs, but they are found by living life itself.

Sure, there may be nuggets of wisdom that we pick up from Dumb Little Man, Zen Habits, or Life Remix, but it is up to us individually to act upon them and learn the lessons. If it takes a failure for us to learn something important, so be it.

Here are 20 things that I personally came to understand and believe in. Your 20 could be totally different. Perhaps you only have 5, it doesn't matter. The key is that you learn from your life, your failures and your successes. Neglect any one of those and you are taking a rocky road to learning and personal development.
You must create and look for opportunities: Opportunities rarely ever come knocking on the door of someone who's not seeking them. You have to create and seek opportunities for yourself. You have to take the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors opening.

Negativity will only bring more of it: When you focus only on negativity, obviously that's all you will see. You will not seek out positivity, and even when positivity comes into your life, you'll look for the negative part of it.

Where you are does not determine where you can go: It doesn't matter if you're homeless or living in a mansion, poor or rich, or if you have a 4.0 grade point average or "failing", it won't make any difference in the future. There are countless rags to riches stories to back this point up. If you have the drive and talents, you can go anywhere. You create your own limitations and horizon.

If you can't help others, you can't help yourself: Even if it's just to hold the door for someone or some other simple gesture, it will do wonders for your life. You'll feel great and you'll eventually be returned the favor sometime during your life, whether you realize it or not. If you don't want to help others, then others won't want to help you, and nor should they.

Follow your passion, money will follow: If you have passion and have fun doing your job, then I wouldn't consider it a job. You can focus on creating even more passion for that subject and money will eventually follow you. If you focus only on the money, it won't come because you're focused on the quantity of your work and not the quality.

Enjoy yourself: Have fun as much as possible, don't take everything so seriously. Push your worries aside and bring enjoyment closer.

If it were easy everyone would do it: This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true. If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires. Making money and accomplishing tasks is hard work, but well worth it.

Planning is good but so is being spontaneous: Planning ahead in business and in life is important but so is being able to quickly change that plan. Various people and events will get in the way of your plans, so you have to be able to modify or forget your plans at times. Be spontaneous once and awhile, it makes life interesting.

You have many talents: You may be a talented athlete or musician but you probably have ten more talents you don't even know about. When people find something they're good at, they only focus on that instead of seeing what else they can do.

Don't work hard without rewards: What's the point of working hard to follow your dreams if you aren't going to treat yourself along the way. Each little or big goal you accomplish should be rewarded with a proportionate treat, maybe a day off or a big slice of cake.

Money does bring happiness: As I said, you shouldn't be chasing money but when you do earn it, you know you've been accomplishing something. It feels great and brings you happiness because you know you'll have more freedom and time to do what you want.

Someone always has it worse: At times you may be having a bad day, but stop yourself and think about it; there has to be millions of other people are having a worse day than you.

You'll need others: Make as many friends as you possibly can and never burn bridges. You will need others for your success.

Being open-minded is the key to more knowledge: If you want to know more about the world you have to be open-minded. Give everything a chance.

Failure is great: One of the most important, if not the most important steps to success is failure. You have to fail at least once, but it's better if you've failed multiple times. You can learn so much more from your failures than you could any other way. And when you finally achieve success, you'll appreciate it so much more.

Most people are actually nice: This is something I've only recently realized. Most people are nice, but not usually to strangers. Once they get to know you and you get to know them, they will most likely seem like very nice people.

Words and thoughts control everything: What you say and think will ultimately become reality. If you say you're going to fail, then you will because you'll find a way to make it happen. If you say you're going to succeed, the same will happen, you'll find a way.

Your view is the reality: How you see an event or situation is how it exists. If you see something as tragic and negative then that's what it means to you. If you see something as exciting and positive, then that's what it is.

Inspiration and motivation are everywhere: I don't care where you are, there is something there that can motivate and inspire you. You can be at war is some far away country, in horrible conditions, but there will be something there to keep you going and strive for something better. You just have to recognize it and keep it with you.

You can change the world: Every single person has the ability to change the world whether directly or indirectly. When you change your life and the lives of those around you, you've changed the world. Small things that you do can make a huge impact on the world.

2008-01-17T12:56:00.001-08:00

The Right Way to Quit Your Job

2007-08-22T09:20:00.001-07:00

Posted by Capessa

on Tue, Aug 14, 2007, 10:21 pm PDT

27 Great Tips to Keep Your Life Organized

2007-08-13T17:00:00.001-07:00

Every Monday is Productivity & Organization Day at Zen Habits.

It’s a rare person among us who doesn’t feel the need to get more organized. I consider myself fairly organized, for example, but there are times when I get a little lax about my organizational rules, and there’s always room for improvement.

And if you’re already organized (read: you’re an organizational freak), chances are, you like to read about others’ organizational systems.

As such, there should be something for everyone on this list.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked all of you for your best organizational tips and tools. And you responded in force, with some great stuff. What follows are some of the best of the tips (tools will be in another post), edited for brevity and consistency.

I must emphasize: these are not my tips, but yours, and when you see the word “I” it refers to the reader writing the tip, not me. Names have been removed to protect the innocent.

3 Most Important Tasks. Writing down and making mental note of my top 3 tasks to get done for the day. Everything else seems to fall into place if I do that.
An easy and workable task list, or to do list. While I love all of these handy web 2.0 apps, computer software, very neat gadgets like palms and really cool cell phones, they just don’t work for me. I’m a lazy woman, with an even lazier attitude. I might put a task in Remember the Milk, another task in my palm, one in my Gcal and send another text to my phone. With all of these different ways of doing things, I end up spending much more time trying to organize my to do list, or consolidate it, that I don’t get much actually done.
Keep ubiquitous capture device. It might not be the same device for every location (I have a moleskine for work, but use my mobile for inspiration on the fly) but just being able to write stuff down when you think about it is key for me.
Choose one tool and stick with it.
Do one thing at a time.
Do it now.
Make use of the word no.
Use the recycling bin/trash basket. Organizing unnecessary items is wasted energy. It is amazing how much more in control I feel just by ridding myself of now outdated articles I’d like to read “someday,” or countless meeting notes from which relevant action items have already been extracted.
A (good) place for everything, and everything in its place. By finding places that are easy to get to for all the things I use most often, and places that are pretty easy to get to for the things I use less often, I spend less time dreading doing things and more time actually doing things. And the place for things you never use is elsewhere (trash can, place that accepts donations, etc.).
Simplify, simplify, simplify!
Put it away now. The single, simplest thing I do to stay personally organized is to put whatever tool, item, clothing, bag, hairbrush etc., away immediately after using it. I always know where everything and anything is so I never waste time looking for something. Very efficient. I could tell a stranger where to find anything in my home.
Keep a to-do list that syncs with your mobile phone (so you can add stuff as and when you remember it). And make sure every item has a due date.
Change. It obsoletes unimportant things. It brings down any method or idea that isn’t timeless. It brings up newer and more important things that you and others can’t resist anymore. Best of all: it’s an organizing tool that operates itself. You simply have to embrace it.
Divide material into red, yellow, blue and green plastic file folders. For example, anything that has to be done today (paperwork to be given to a client, bills to be mailed) go in the red folder. Contact material or anything related to customer field support goes in the yellow folder. Your mileage may vary as to how you organize your briefcase, and like me you may also have project-specific manilla file folders as well, but dividing stuff up into just four color coded folders is a huge help.
Flylady.net. She helped me realize that I needed to apply GTD principles to my home life and not just work. I had work under control using checklists, projects and next actions. I tried the same system at home and failed. Then about a month ago I discovered flylady.net courtesy I believe one of your blog posts. Wow, what a difference. My house is clean and so is my desk at work. Many if not most of her basic ideas are just like GTD in a slightly different perspective (control journal, baby steps) and also concrete methods for accomplishing next actions (2 minute hot spots, 15 minute timers). Her most useful tip was to put my daily/weekly lists into shiny page protectors in my control journal. I use a dry erase marker and voila no more killing trees or not doing my list because I can’t print it (or want to avoid the hassle). The best thing about this, I am more relaxed, my blood pressure is finally dropping and I feel less stressed.
Unapologetically take control of your time and priorities.
Sort at the source. My favorite organizational tool is my post office box. I visit it once a week (usually Saturday), stand at the counter in the lobby and sort my mail. I use the P.O.’s trash bin. What comes into my house is only what I need to have. Bills and letters and checks go into my inbox (which by the way is a box with a lid that is wrapped in lovely fabric and has a yellow bow on it so it looks like a present sitting on my desk). Reading material goes on the table by my chaise lounge which is where I do all my reading.
A sheet of paper, a calendar and a white board. I’ve found that the easiest way to organize myself, my days and so forth is a good paper calendar, a sheet of paper that I divide into four sections and a medium sized white board. For my paper the top left section is my actual running to do list for today. The top right section is my running grocery list, or list of things I must purchase. The bottom left is for notes such as calls I made, who I spoke to, appointment dates. The bottom right is whatever I need to move to another day. If I’m told to call back on Monday, then I note that on the calendar. As for the white board, the kids can make notes (Can I spend the night at Brian’s on Friday? Grandma called), and I can jot down things as I think of them to be added to tomorrow’s to do list. My calendar, and the white board are in the same location, so I can transfer short notes if need be. I carry my paper task list with me everywhere, so I can make notes at any given moment.
Color coding. I’m a visual person, and I find that color-coding my various lists and calendars minimizes the time I have to spend looking at them. This worked especially well when I was in school: I dumped every class syllabus into Outlook, and then color-coded every class period (blue for paper due, yellow for quiz, red for test, etc). It took awhile to set up, sure, but then for the rest of the semester I only had to glance at Outlook to get a very clear idea of what kind of week I was going to have.
One binder. I use a binder cleverly labeled “@ 2007″ with the following divisions:
- @ Today - With my Emergent Task Planner from davidseah.com;
- @ Week - The remaining days of the week ETP’s as a skeleton;
- @ Year - All my historical sheets;
- @ Diet - Which tracks what I have eaten for the day;
- @ Fitness - Which tracks my workout routine for the day. My binder is with me all the time and it has helped me become a better employee, family member and relationship guy.
Write down, execute and tidy up on the way. These are is my organization bible. I’ve been living that way since more than two years and I can say that I’m an organized person.
A little whiteboard on my bedroom wall. I have it separated into two sections, a “todo” and a “today”. “Todo” is a list of general things I have to do, like get my car inspected, buy someone a present, etc. Then “today” is what I need to do, obviously, today! Things can be moved back and forth as appropriate. I find having a specific list for today helps push me to get the important things done in a timely manner. I also keep two things permanently on the “today” part, which are meditation and exercise. This seems to help.
Note cards. One can write tasks on them — one per card, or in a list (depending on the type of task in question; I do both). When doing one per card, the stack serves as an easy prioritization scheme. But wait, there’s more: They can be arranged on cork boards, shared, annotated, torn up and rearranged. They can be used as placeholders, as mini-white boards and as tokens to model ideas. They are easy to carry around, and to attach to other documents. Further, different colors allow for a visual representation of different kinds of todo’s (as can different annotations). Finally, they are cheap and most importantly of all: easy (much easier than software) to reconfigure as needs and projects change.
Never rely on a single point of failure. I’ve seen people pay $1,000 to hear speakers at a conference and only have one pen to take notes. It’s a great feeling when one thing breaks, gets lost, or runs out of power, and you have another one in reserve!
Have.. less.. stuff.
Delegate. Learn to trust people with critical tasks in all areas of your life. When you learn to effectively delegate tasks you actually find that it is easier to keep the stuff you cannot delegate better organized.
You control your life. Whatever electronics or paper you use, make them work for YOU not the other way around. Does Outlook really have to stay checking your email every 5 minutes? Maybe, but I bet you’ll get a whole lot more done if you check it a few times per day. That goes for the Blackberry too! After all, there are so many tools, and one to fit everyone - so use what works, but make it work for you!

The Guys' Rules

2007-06-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not wor th the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

2007-06-27T10:09:00.001-07:00

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance".)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my Dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)

Now the male perspective on the same issue:

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

Interesting article on software development experience

2007-03-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

Top ten things ten years of professional software development has taught me

Posted: 17:44

Edit: My old server didn't really have the power to feed all the visitors. This is a static copy of the blog post. Unfortunately, no comments can be accepted.

I was reading this top ten list yesterday, and I thought I can problably come up with my own list of things no-one told me before I started developing software for money. This is my list.

Object orientation is much harder than you think
Maybe it's just me, but coming from Computer Science class I thought that OO was easy. I mean, how hard can it be to create classes that mimic the real world? It turns out that it's pretty hard. Ten years later, I'm still learning how to model properly. I wish I spent more time reading up on OO and design patterns. Good modeling skills are worth a lot to every development team.
The difficult part of software development is communication
And that's communication with persons, not socket programming. Now and then you do run into a tricky technical problem, but it's not at all that common. Much more common is misunderstandings between you and the project manager, between you and the customer and finally between you and the other developers. Work on your soft skills.
Learn to say no
When I started working, I was very eager to please. This meant that I had a hard time saying no to things people asked of me. I worked a lot of overtime, and still didn't finish everything that was asked of me. The result was disappointment from their side, and almost burning out on my part. If you never say no, your yes is worth very little. Commit to what you can handle, and if people keep asking you for more, make it very explicit that this would mean not doing something else. What I did was to have a list of stuff that I needed to do on a piece of paper with me. When someone asked for something, I showed them the list and asked what I should bump to have time to help them. This allowed me to say no in a nice way.
If everything is equally important, then nothing is important
The business likes to say that all the features are as crucial. They are not. Push back and make them commit. It's easier if you don't force them to pick what to do and what not to do. Instead, let them choose what you should do this week. This will let you produce the stuff that brings value first. If all else goes haywire, at least you've done that.
Don't over-think a problem
I can spend whole days designing things in front of the white board. That doesn't mean it will be any better, it just means it will be more complicated. I don't mean to say you shouldn't design at all, just that the implementation will quickly show me stuff I didn't think of anyway, so why try to make it perfect? Like Dave Farell says: "The devil is in the details, but exorcism is in implementation, not theory."
Dive really deep into something, but don't get hung up
Chris and I spent a lot of time getting into the real deep parts of SQL Server. It was great fun and I learned a lot from it, but after some time I realized that knowing that much didn't really help me solve the business' problems. An example: I know that at the table level, SQL Server will not take an IU lock - it will only take a IX lock. This is a performance tweak, since most of the time, the IU lock will have to be escalated into a IX lock anyway. To find this, I spent countless days experimenting, I read loads of material and talked to Microsoft people at conferences. Have I ever had any use of this knowledge. Nope.
Learn about the other parts of the software development machine
It's really important to be a great developer. But to be a great part of the system that produces software, you need to understand what the rest of the system does. How do the QA people work? What does the project manager do? What drives the business analyst? This knowledge will help you connect with the rest of the people, and will grease interactions with them. Ask the people around you for help in learning more. What books are good? Most people will be flattered that you care, and willingly help you out. A little time on this goes a really long way.
Your colleagues are your best teachers
A year after I started on my first job, we merged with another company. Suddenly I had a lot of much more talented and experienced people around me. I remember distinctly how this made me feel inferior and stupid. I studied hard, reading book after book but I still didn't catch up. They had too much of an advantage on me, I figured.
Nowadays, working with great people doesn't make me feel bad at all. I just feel I have the chance of a lifetime to learn. I ask questions and I try really hard to understand how my colleagues come to the conclusions they do. This is why I joined ThoughtWorks. See your peers as an asset, not competition.
It all comes down to working software
No matter how cool your algorithms are, no matter how brilliant your database schema is, no matter how fabulous your whatever is, if it doesn't scratch the clients' itch, it's not worth anything. Focus on delivering working software, and at the same time prepare to continue delivering software using that code base and you're on the right path.
Some people are assholes
Most of the time, most of the people around you are great. You learn from them, and they learn from you. Accomplishing something together is a good feeling. Unfortunately, you will probably run into the exceptions. People that because of something or other are plain old mean. Demeaning bosses. Lying colleagues. Stupid, ignorant customers. Don't take this too hard. Try to work around them and do what you can to minimize the pain and effort they cause, but don't blame yourself. As long as you stay honest and do your best, you've done your part.

How To Market Your Web App

2007-03-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

Written by Emre Sokullu / March 22, 2007 / 10 comments

So after 1 year of fund-raising, planning and development, your shiny new beta web app is finally ready... and now you think it's marketing time. You want to reach thousands of users as quickly as possible. Aha, you think, the cheapest and shortest path is viral marketing - via blogs and social news sites. So you turn to your favorite sites like digg, del.icio.us, TechCrunch and (of course) Read/WriteWeb. Somehow your email to Michael Arrington or Richard MacManus gets noticed above the hundreds of others, so your site gets featured and then other blog coverage follows! Yippee, this is the fame you were waiting for! But a few days later....absolute silence. No one is talking about you anymore, the activity on your site diminishes to nearly zero, and the new 'poster child' web 2.0 app is something else.

Like a nightmare, isn't it? But unfortunately, this horrible peak-then-slump scenario is very common in the web 2.0 era. The Alexa graph below illustrates this with a well known example, in this case following a TechCrunch write-up:

The reasons for this very common pattern are simple to guess. The web 2.0 savvy audience is overloaded with all these fancy new sites that come up everyday; and this audience will try a lot of apps, but not necessarily become a permanent user. That's why you are very vulnerable to get quickly forgotten, if you don't offer them something very useful and enduring.

The upshot is that timing your app/site promotion is very important. Even though popular blogs and news sites are a great way to attract community and VC attention, you should know when to show yourself. Below is a categorization that we suggest all upcomers consider before any marketing push...

The WAIT List

The Wait list consists of sites that should be more patient to market themselves. This is certainly the largest category, with these 2 broad types of web 2.0 sites:

Social / User Generated Content Sites
Verticals

Social sites need existing user activity before getting promoted. For instance, a social networking site with no members won't be interesting at all. So if you get dugg, sure you'll get thousands of people arriving to check out your social network - and maybe even sign up. But more likely they will be disappointed that not much activity is happening, so they will leave your site with bad memories and may not come back.

In the case of verticals, the problem is more about competition. Rather than immediately publicizing your site, it may be better to focus on differentiating yourself from others and gradually building up a user base.

Also, most of the sites that fall under one (or both) of the above 2 categories require you to sign up first. But generally users will be reluctant to join ghost sites.

The best way of marketing for sites in the WAIT list is to focus on their niches, spend very little and attract targeted masses over time. One example comes from the March 2007 issue of Business 2.0 Magazine. A company called Betty, which sells dye for "the hair down there", spent just $2000 for space in a Las Vegas beauty tradeshow brochure and created enough buzz from that to get featured on the Jay Leno Show. The company expects $1 million in sales this year! Other successful examples are Dogster and Maya's Mom - they are both vertical and user-generated sites and they attracted most of their initial user base from pet and mothers magazines.

The bottom line is that WAIT list sites should find their niche, enlarge their user base there, then come to the web 2.0 savvy audience to show off their force and attract VC attention.

Spotplex, the site shown in the diagram above, is a very good example of a site that should have WAITED.

The WALK List

The walk list includes sites that should start promoting their site on web 2.0 blogs from the beginning. Most of the WALK candidates come from Web Utilities. For example:

search engines (unless they're vertical);
Instant Messaging mash-ups;
Webtops;
File hosting agents;
Translators;
Browser add-ons.

The reason why WALK list members are so different than the previous WAIT list members, is that these sites don't need prior popularity. The site's attractiveness depends solely on the quality of their service. So there's no critical mass of user base required before promoting themselves.

The RUN List

This is the smallest category, with perhaps just tens of sites. The success of these sites depends on web 2.0 media, so they should solely focus on getting themselves featured there. Actually most of them are no different than the WAIT list, except that their niche is web 2.0 itself! Two great examples are BuzzShout and Go2Web2. Obviously, the web 2.0 audience is open to such services, so there's no better place for these sites to get exposure. Blog widgets is another category can be added to the RUN list.

Conclusion

There are three main strategies then, to market your new web app or site:

1) WAIT list sites should find their niche, enlarge their user base there, then come to the web 2.0 savvy audience to show off their force and attract VC attention;

2) WALK list sites, such as search engines and browser add-ons, can go after that elusive digg frontpage or Read/WriteWeb feature now [Ed: preferably both!];

3) RUN list sites should do everything in their power to get attention from web 2.0 sites!

What are your thoughts on this - agree, or do you suggest other strategies?

The 5 Most Common Mistakes Made By Startups

2007-03-15T15:47:00.001-07:00

Ben Yoskovitz | March 15th 2007 - 06:43
Posted in Entrepreneurship, Starting a Business, Business

Entrepreneurs are no strangers to mistakes. Mistakes will happen - with considerable frequency - and the value in making those mistakes is learning from them and avoiding them in the future. You can also study the mistakes of others that came before. Plenty of successful entrepreneurs are quite open about mistakes they’ve made, why they made them and what they learned. We don’t need to keep repeating each other’s mistakes over and over.

But, that’s quite often the case. When it comes to startup mistakes you’ll see many companies making the same ones over and over.

Here are 5 of the most common mistakes made by startups:

Staying in Stealth Mode Too Long. New startups seem quite fond of stealth mode (or its newer cousin “ninja mode”), when they’re hiding under the radar but still hyping just enough to try and pique interest. But stay in stealth mode too long and you run the risk of disappearing off the radar. Never mind the fact that you can’t sell your new product or service while in stealth mode and therefore can’t generate any revenue. There are plenty of reasons why startups launch too slowly; really you need to force yourself to launch and get past all the excuses.
Not Focusing on the User. Who are you building your new product for? Who is the precise target? Many startups can give a generic answer to that question, but very few of them are really honed in on the specific wants of their “perfect user.” This is a combination of too little research and too much enthusiasm for what they think is “the next killer idea.” This mistake is compounded if you’re building something that you wouldn’t use yourself. Building something you would use makes things easier - you’re the target user. Otherwise you need to take a much more pragmatic approach.
As well, many startups take the approach of “being everything to everyone.” That strategy never works. You end up being nothing to anyone.
Trying To Do Everything. If a task isn’t core to your business try and outsource it. Entrepreneurs are extremely fond of saying they wear many hats (which is true!) but there’s a limit to what’s reasonable in the hat-wearing department. Lots of things can be outsourced, and although you’ll be paying someone else to do the work, you’ll be freeing up precious time of your own. That time will be infinitely more valuable than the money you spend.
Not Having Enough Infrastructure. Many startups don’t have the proper tools in place to start their business. Primarily, money and time. It’s getting cheaper and cheaper to start companies nowadays but it’s never free. Lots of people start companies without realizing how much money it’s actually going to take. When they clue in, and decide they don’t have the money to invest (or they’re not willing to part with it), they’re in trouble.
Startups face similar challenges with time. People often start companies while working full-time jobs. It’s doable but damn hard. And as soon as the startup gets a bit rocky or other interests come into play, the startup company gets shelved or delayed. Paul Graham comments on this beautifully in The 18 Mistakes That Kill Startups. His theory is that people get into startups half-heartedly and that’s what kills them. I think that’s part of the answer. The other side of that coin is that people truly do care and believe in what they’re doing, but they don’t have the infrastructure and bandwidth in place to make it happen.

Infrastructure issues are also related to a startup’s lack of connections and resources to find good vendors, good hires, mentors and people to rely on. A couple guys in a garage may have a great idea and tons of talent but when they need help securing a loan or handling a business-related task they may not have the network or foundation in place to support them.
Forgetting About Branding, Marketing and Sales. I know there are examples of companies succeeding with a “build it and they will come” approach. Some people argue if you build something people want they’ll find it and plunk down their hard-earned money. It happens. But more often than not you need to develop real, actionable and savvy branding, marketing and sales strategies. You might have a great product and the wrong message. Or a killer software application that no one knows about. It’s rare to have a startup where the founders (or one of them) has real experience in branding, marketing and sales. The result is either all the founders do it (and often poorly) or they all pass the buck.
You can take a “build it and they will come” approach and hope for the world to pick up your scent and fall in love with you, or you can figure out how you’ll get the message out, what that message will be and how you’ll generate leads. Go with the latter.

The good news is that almost every mistake can be undone, and it’s rare that one mistake kills a startup completely. So feel free to make them - but skip those listed above…

How to Develop Your IT Skills and Raise Your Standard of Living

2007-03-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

Published on Thursday March 8th , 2007

by Lindsay O’Connor

“Are you dissatisfied with your career? Do you want to make more money? Well, my friend, I’m about to offer you the opportunity to learn how to make more money and keep your career in the IT industry.”

“I’m about to tell you how to make more money, lose weight, and get the girl or boy of your dreams. That’s right, for two easy payments of $19.95, I can show you how to live a better life, have more energy, be happier, win the lottery, travel the world, discover the meaning of life, find the holy grail…blah blah blah…”

You have heard it all before: infomercial, so-called know-it-alls and “experts” who solicit career and financial advance. They say it can be done with little effort and all you have to do is send them some cash. In turn, they reveal the secret to resolving life’s problems.

The truth is: it ain’t that easy, kid. But it ain’t impossible.

The information technology (IT) field is highly competitive, and it’s only getting worse. As more fresh-faced college kids flood into the employment pool, getting a good paying job has become an up-stream swim. Moreover, as the basic costs of living increase, you’re going to need more income to stay afloat.

Career advancement doesn’t have to be aimless pursuit. By staying on top of your game, you can earn more or make splash in better job-ponds.

To make more money, take a trip down one of four roads: get more education, work freelance, start a business, or look for a new job.

Get More Education

To an employer, the more you know, the more you are worth ($). In the job market, education is king. To an employer, your educational pursuits indicate that you are both serious and motivated. Moreover, as you learn more, you know more, which makes you that more useful.

Ouch! Yes, it stings a little, but the reality is that career advancement means assuming greater responsibility; you have to know how to do more.

Let’s face it: getting a promotion or earning more money at work is a Darwinian pursuit: only the strongest thrive. You must strive to appear to be the strongest, most useful employee with the most to offer. Learning more and getting more education is a sure-fire way to show that you deserve to drive the herd.

There is a couple easy ways to get more education to appear more “useful” to your employer:

Earn a professional certificate: Professional certification implies that a person is qualified to perform a specific job. Professional certificates are supplemental to a two or four year degree. They help to solidify and intensify a person’s knowledge in a particular field.

For computer-fluent individuals, some useful professional certificates are:

Professional certificates are easy to earn, affordable, and can be completed in a few weeks at an education institution, both online and on-campus.

Take a class: It is important to stay abreast of new technologies as they emerge. Perhaps you need only to learn a few new tricks of your trade.

The key here, however, is to inform your boss you’re taking a class. Your boss or supervisors will then be privy to you increasing your working-knowledge of new technology or business models. In turn, they see you as a much more capable employee, poised for promotion.

Find Freelance work

A good money-making method is to work freelance. Freelance IT professionals, web designers, graphic designers, and internet marking gurus are in high demand.

Good resources for finding freelance work in IT are

However, if you go down this route, there advantages and disadvantages:

Pros:

You (usually) determine how much you want to get compensated for the work
You easily boost your resume with each freelance opportunity
You keep 100% of any profit earned

Cons:

Quality freelance work can be difficult to find
The income stream is not steady
Freelance work can be time-consuming if you already work another job

Overall, many graphic designers, web designers, programmers, and other IT-folks are able to make a nice nest of cash while they work other jobs. Some people are even able to work solely freelance and give up their fulltime jobs.

Start Your Own Business

Starting your own business can be an exciting or exasperating experience; all the hard work and sacrifice can either make or break you.

But don’t let that scare you. Staring a business venture is easier than ever before. Here are some tips on finagling this without driving yourself insane:

Start slow: At all costs, restrain yourself from diving head-long into starting a business. You may still need a steady flow of income while you start your business, as you will most likely not have a lot of business at first. Though you may have a genius business plan for making millions, at least initially, you’re going to need to get your ducks in a row.

Spend a lot of time to get the business ball rolling. Don’t quit your day job yet.

Set obtainable goals: As you formulate a business plan, set some small goals. Focus on making extra-pocket money in addition to your current employment salary.

Take a Break: Don’t burn out. Take some breaks. If you work 40 hours a week already, don’t dedicate 30 more hours to your business. Spend the weekend tweaking your business plan. Spend only a few hours on week nights. Spend your lunch hour making client sale-calls. If you start to feel discouraged, take a breather. Put up your feet and come back to it. In the end, you will be able to keep sustain sanity much longer.

If All Else Fails, Look For a New Job

Sometimes, you need to know when to throw in the towel and look for something else. If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, this may be the time. No matter how much education you have, without an opportunity for advancement, it’s hard to stay motivated.

The IT field is very competitive. The key to landing a better, higher-paying job is standing out from the crowd.

Overhaul Your Resume: Clean up your resume. Re-work, re-word, and re-format your resume.

When re-working and re-wording your resume, remember the following:

You are the best at what you do.
You have a proven track-record of success.
You stand out from the rest.

When re-formatting your resume, clear out the clutter. The following elements should be readily apparent on first glace:

Name and Contact Information
Summary of relevant skills
Previous Employers
Job-duties
References (two to three)
Bonus: Personal website

A personal website is a good way to showcase a portfolio and to shamelessly gloat.

Compose a Killer Cover Letter: Many people forget the importance of a cover letter: it is a formal “Hello, this is why I kick ass.”

Compose a cover letter that is straight forward but commands the attention of the reader. When creating a salutation, use the manager’s name instead of “to whom it may concern,” or “Dear sir or madam.”

When writing the body of your cover letter, remember this is the formal declaration of your awesome-ness. Discuss instances in previous jobs where you have been an innovator or problem solver. Many employers want to hire a sharp, forward-thinker. Other tips:

Keep it brief! Two pages are too much. Wrap it up in a single page.
Spell-check.
Grammar-check.
Keep it Simple Stupid! Straight forward always wins over flowery language.
Be grateful. Thank the person for taking the time to read your cover letter. They probably have to read hundreds. Don’t be another blip on the radar.

Landing the interview

So, you’ve gotten the call to come in and show them your face. Take a shower; wear nice shoes, put on a smile. You get but one (maybe two) shot at face-time.

During the interview the inevitable question is always, “why are you leaving your current job?” Be honest…but not that honest. The last thing an employer wants to hear is that you are on the hunt for a bigger-pay-day. Tell them you are looking for “career advancement.” You want a challenge; you are looking for a more rewarding career. Never say you want to make more money. They already know that, what else can you tell them?

Employers want to know that you’ve got staying power and that you won’t jump ship if you get passed over for a raise. They want to know if you have the ability to rise to challenges and deliver the goods. Most importantly, they want to know if you are worth the salary.

Keep Your Eye on the Prize: While looking for a new job, you may be enticed by a job that is closer to where you live or one with a hip or cool environment.

Be advised that if you are looking to make more money, you are going to have to compromise a bit. If you accept a position that offers a lower salary than what you are looking for, eventually, you are going to have the same financial frustrations you previously worked to resolve.

Essentially, the key is finding a job that offers upward mobility. A little hard work and face-time with the boss will get you to where you want to be.

“Now is the time to make more money and be happier with your career. You can do it, and I guarantee that you too can be on the road to riches.” And if not, in the very least, you will have learned more and done more than the rest of the computer-nerd herd

2007-02-02T10:19:00.001-08:00

How would you move Mt. Everest?
I would tell it a touching story about a boy in love with his bunny. (Note: The bunny dies at the end.)

Few Conversation between Indian Customer Care and So Called Clever people of the world

2007-01-30T15:40:00.001-08:00

Few Conversation between Indian Customer Care and So Called Clever people of the world

1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."

----------------------------------------

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I
am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

--------------------------------------------------

3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

--------------------------------------------------

4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

--------------------------------------------------

5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support : ##### ***

--------------------------------------------------

6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

--------------------------------------------------

7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"

Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------

. Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."

Tech support : ??????

--------------------------------------------------

9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------

10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"

Tech support : ??????

--------------------------------------------------

11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------

12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

--------------------------------------------------

13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
--------------------------------------------------

The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech supports hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke.com/> at the
end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know
how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.

-------------------------------------------------

Height Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Problem Solving ...

2007-01-25T08:20:00.000-08:00

From:

http://fatpita.net/funpic/problemsolving.jpg

The 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 Rule: A few observations about being in a leadership position.

2007-01-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

From :
The MineThatData Blog

Kevin Hillstrom's views on Multichannel Forensics and Database Marketing.

The 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 Rule: You'll find that your co-workers fall into three camps. About a third will support you through anything. About a third could take or leave you. Another third are generally against you. Your job is to do outstanding work, with integrity, so that the middle third sides with you, silencing the last third.

Save Your Pennies: For most, the ride eventually ends. So save your pennies.

Don't Listen To Them: Even if you do a good job, that silent third will tell you all the reasons why your ideas are bad. If you're doing an average job, or you are threatening the status quo, the remaining third becomes vocal --- very vocal. Don't listen to them. They will criticize anything you do.

Everybody Is Fighting A Great Battle: You can see this in the eyes of your employees. Somebody had a child who spent the entire evening throwing up. Another employee's mother just passed away. Yet another employee spilled a latte on his slacks. Everybody has problems that superceed work. To them, these problems are epic, mighty battles. Recognize this, and manage to it.

At Some Point, You Have To Choose Between People And Money: This is probably the biggest decision you'll have to make. Somewhere along your journey, you will be asked to drag your staff through mud in order for the business to make more money. If you want to go to Heaven, choose your staff. If you want to be a superstar, side with Money. If you figure out how to effectively deal with this tension, please let me know how to do it!

If You Are Working More Than Fifty Hours A Week, You Are Failing: Contrary to popular belief, the burned-out executive lifestyle is not all it is cracked-up to be. If you are working longer than 7-5 or 8-6 or 9-7, you are failing. Either your staff is not ready to take on more work, or you have failed to hire the right number of people to do the work, or you have failed to effectively say "NO" to projects. Every hour over fifty is one hour you will never get back with your spouse, children and hobbies.

Bad Behavior Is Your Fault: You need to set expectations in the first few days of your new assignment. The longer you let certain behaviors fester, the harder it gets to change them.

Honesty > Politics: You can make a choice to be honest with your folks, or you can be political and choose not to share non-confidential issues with them. Side with honesty. If you aren't honest and trustworthy, your folks will paint their own canvass. That leads to gossip. Gossip kills productivity, and gossip kills relationships between employees.

If You Did A Great Job In A Forest, And Nobody Saw You Do It, Did The Great Job Really Happen? At some point, you have to figure out, within your culture, how to effectively market you and your team. In many cases, the marketing of you and your team is more important than the outcome of the work you actually do.

Support Your Boss, Or Leave The Company: Some of my biggest mistakes happened when I did not support my boss. If something unethical is happening, tell somebody, and then consider leaving. If you have a difference of opinion, make the choice to support your boss and move on, or leave. Arguing gets you nowhere.

Know The Profit And Loss Statement Inside Out: Those who know the p&l know how to cost-justify projects and initiatives. Not surprisingly , these folks get things done.

If You Want To Be Appreciated, Lead When Sales Are Increasing: Ever notice how quick folks are to hire those who have worked at successful companies? You can do outstanding work at a failing company. But if your goal is to be an upwardly mobile executive, align yourself with the updraft. A whole generation of online marketers and search experts are doing this as we speak. You don't hear a lot of "He did a spectacular job of keeping CD sales flat at Tower Records", do you?

Do Not Fall In Love Your Company: The blogosphere is filled with marketing experts promoting the myriad benefits of 'brands', with an adoration seldom paralleled in society. We focus a disproportionate amount of energy on the magical power of Apple, or Nike, or Starbucks, thinking any company or any idea can result in the success Apple, Nike or Starbucks experienced. Build the brand!!! We offer advice for every brand (improve your customer service, clean up your stores, give me a free phone, listen to your customers, do these things and we'll love you). When is the last time a 'brand' loved a person? When is the last time a company was there for a person when something awful happened to the person? Leaders can be there for people. Co-workers are usually there for people. The Human Resources department is there for people. Brands are never there for people. The purpose of a brand is to facilitate the transfer of wealth from customers to shareholders. When this transfer of money is not happening as efficiently as it should happen, your job is in jeopardy. The 'brand' will chew you up and spit you out in a heartbeat if the 'brand' thinks you are in some way impeding the re-distribution of wealth. Fall in love with your company, and your feelings will inevitably be hurt when your brand turns on you.

Celebrate The Victories: There are untold victories in everyday work life. Appreciate and recognize people for making these things happen. I can certainly improve my skills on this one.

Give Credit: Your people are responsible for everything that happens. You may think your vision is legendary, even bordering on brilliant. Your vision doesn't happen without your people --- people who put aside their dreams to make your dreams come true.

Please add to this list, offer your contributions based on what you've learned.

2007-01-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

What does love mean?

.... An article that I read the other day........

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

"What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

(We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a
contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly
gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

2006-12-18T12:38:00.000-08:00

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Do each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

How To Keep Good Posture When In Front Of A Computer

2006-10-30T08:18:00.000-08:00

http://ririanproject.com/2006/10/30/how-to-keep-good-posture-when-in-front-of-a-computer/

“We spend a large portion of our lives sitting, especially during the computer age, so it’s important to learn to sit tall. One of the most common mistakes we make is that when we move into a sitting position, we tend to aim for the center of the chair. The proper method is to sit deep in your chair.”

- Dr. Marvin Arnsdorff

Today we are spending more time at computers, an activity through which people’s bad posture can affect their overall health.

Posture ranks at the top of the list when talking about good health. It is as important as eating right, exercising, getting a good night’s sleep and avoiding harmful substances. Unnatural alignment of the body can cause head, shoulder, neck and back pain, and compromise neurological, digestive, respiratory and cardiovascular functioning.

Unquestionably, students and adults alike spend more time at computers today than 20 years ago. So here are nine tips designed to help people’s posture when they’re at the computer at home, school or work:

1. Support Your Back

Does the chair you are sitting on have enough lumbar support? The backrest should fit into the natural curve of your lower back, filling in the space between your back and the back of the chair. This helps avoid excess pressure on the spine and makes it easier to maintain good sitting posture.

Adequate lumbar support also helps prevent muscle fatigue, which causes many people to lean their heads and upper backs too far forward or to slouch downward. With good lower back support, spinal muscles are relaxed and the spine is able to maintain its neutral position.

2. Comfortable Leg Postures

To promote comfortable leg postures, consider clearing away items from your legs to allow comfortable leg positions and movement. Feet should be flat on the floor or you may use a footrest if your feet do not rest comfortably.

3. Minimize Reaching

Position work station components to minimize reaching and twisting. Keep frequently accessed objects as close as possible to body centre.

4. Comfortable Shoulder and Arm Postures

Place your keyboard and mouse or trackball at the same height; these should be at about elbow level. Your upper arms should fall relaxed at your sides.

Also when typing, center your keyboard in front of you with your mouse or trackball located close to it.

5. Wrist and Finger Postures

Keep your wrists straight while typing and while using a mouse or trackball. Avoid bending your wrists up, down, or to the sides. Use the keyboard legs if they help you maintain a comfortable and straight wrist position. Type with your hands and wrists floating above the keyboard, so that you can use your whole arm to reach for distant keys instead of stretching your fingers.

Make sure you keep your fingers relaxed while typing and using a mouse. Use a soft touch on the keyboard instead of pounding keys with unnecessary force.

Also grasp the mouse gently and avoid holding a pen or anything else in your hands while you type or use the mouse. You should relax your fingers and hands between bursts of typing or mousing using a flat, straight wrist posture.

When moving your mouse, you may be more comfortable if you use your arm, not just your wrist. Choose a mouse that fits the size of your hand comfortably and is as flat as possible to minimize wrist strain.

6. Minimize Neck Bending and Twisting

Center your monitor in front of you. Consider placing your documents directly in front of you and the monitor slightly to the side, if you refer to your documents more frequently than your monitor.

Sit comfortably in the chair. Close both eyes and relax. Then, slowly reopen them. Where the gaze initially focuses should be when the eyes open is the place to put the center of the computer screen. The screen can be raised using books or a stand if needed.

7. Minimize Eyestrain

Place your monitor at a distance of about arm’s length when seated comfortably in front of the monitor. Also avoid glare. Place your monitor away from light sources that produce glare, or use window blinds to control light levels. Don’t forget to adjust your monitor brightness, contrast, and font size to levels that are comfortable for you.

Throughout the day, give your eyes a break by forcing them to focus on something other than on your screen. Try the following exercise: Hold a finger a few inches in front of your face; focus on the finger as you slowly move it away; focus on something far in the distance and then back to the finger; slowly bring the finger back toward your face. Next, shift your focus to something farther than eight feet away and hold your eyes there for a few seconds. Repeat this exercise three times, several times a day.

8. Take Short Breaks

Taking breaks can help your body recover from any activity. The length and frequency of breaks that are right for you depend on the type of work you are doing. Stopping the activity and relaxing is one way to take a break, but there are other ways, also. For example, just changing tasks - perhaps from sitting while typing to standing while talking on the phone can help some muscles relax while others remain productive.

9. Periodically Look Up At the Ceiling to Give Your Posture Muscles a Break

So, improve your sitting posture and remember, a healthy lifestyle can help you perform and enjoy your everyday activities, including the time spent at your computer. Learning more about working comfortably and productively, as well as your overall health, are important ways to help you enjoy your computing experience.

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language

2006-10-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

*******************************************************************************

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

JAVA
After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.

Ruby
Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can’t find anywhere to shoot it.

PHP
You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.

ASP.NET
Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.

SQL
SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = ‘PULLED’;
INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo);

Perl
You start shooting yourself in the foot, but you lose the gun.

Javascript
YOu’ve perfected a robust, rich user experience for shooting yourself in the foot. You then find that bullets are disabled on your gun.

CSS
You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana.

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.

Modula2
After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ….

BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.
If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot of the left leg of you.
Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Revelation
You’ll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic
You’ll shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have so much fun doing it that you won’t care.

Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t allow it to explain.

Ada
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

Assembly
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Disclaimer: I didn’t write the original article, though I’ve added to it. I have had the funnier definitions above listed in a text file for several years, and I decided to add my own one day.

It has also been pointed out to me that there is another article like this here
(http://www.reed.edu/~tuckers/jokes/foot.html)
, though it’s longer than my original version so I can only assume it is also a hybrid from the original list. Perhaps the original author is updating his list?

********************************************************************************

C++ Optimizations

2006-09-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

http://www.custard.org/~andrew/optimize.php

These optimizations are fairly easy to apply to existing code and in some cases can result in big speedups. Remember the all-important maxim though, the fastest code is code that isn't called.
Use Initialization Lists

Always use initialization lists in constructors. For example, use

TMyClass::TMyClass(const TData &data) : m_Data(data)
{
}

rather than

TMyClass::TMyClass(const TData &data)
{
m_Data = data;
}

Without initialization lists, the variable's default constructor is invoked behind-the-scenes prior to the class's constructor, then its assignment operator is invoked. With initialization lists, only the copy constructor is invoked.

Optimize For Loops

Whereever possible, count down to zero rather than up to n. For example, use

for (i = n-1; i >= 0; --i)

rather than

for (i = 0; i < n; ++i)

The test is done every iteration and it's faster to test against zero than anything else. Note also that

++i

is faster than

i++

when it appears in the third part of the for loop statement.

Use 'int'

Always use the int data type instead of char or short wherever possible. int is always the native type for the machine.

Make Local Functions Static

Always declare local functions as static, e.g.,

static void foo()

This means they will not be visible to functions outside the .cpp file, and some C++ compilers can take advantage of this in their optimizations.

Optimize If Statements

Factor out jumps. For example, use

bar();
if (condition)
{
undoBar();
foo();
}

rather than

if (condition)
{
foo();
}
else
{
bar();
}

Use a profiler and good judgement to decide if undoing the bar() operation is faster than jumping.

Optimize Switch Statements

Put the most common cases first.

Avoid Expensive Operations

Addition is cheaper than multiplication and multiplication is cheaper than division. Factor out expensive operations whereever possible.

Initialize on Declaration

Whereever possible, initialize variables at the time they're declared. For example,

TMyClass myClass = data;

is faster than

TMyClass myClass;
myClass = data;

Declaration then initialization invokes the object's default constructor then its assignment operator. Initializing in the declaration invokes only its copy constructor.

Pass By Reference

Always try to pass classes by reference rather than by value. For example, use

void foo(TMyClass &myClass)

rather than

void foo(TMyClass myClass)

Delay Variable Declarations

Leave variable declarations right until the point when they're needed. Remember that when a variable is declared its constructor is called. This is wasteful if the variable is not used in the current scope.

Use 'op='

Wherever possible, use 'op=' in favour of 'op'. For example, use

myClass += value;

rather than

myClass = myClass + value;

The first version is better than the second because it avoids creating a temporary object.

Inline Small Functions

Small, performance critical functions should be inlined using the inline keyword, e.g.,

inline void foo()

This causes the compiler to duplicate the body of the function in the place it was called from. Inlining large functions can cause cache misses resulting in slower execution times.

Use Nameless Classes

Whereever possible, use nameless classes. For example,

foo(TMyClass("abc"));

is faster than

TMyClass myClass("abc");
foo(myClass);

because, in the first case, the parameter and the class share memory.

25 Signs That, Sadly, You've Grown Up

2006-09-27T12:35:00.000-07:00

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save Your sorry old ass.

MASTERING THE INTERVIEW By Sean Bosker

2006-09-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

The job interview is your proving ground, the place where you must demonstrate why you are the best person for the job. Making that powerful statement that you're the best of all the candidates requires the three Ps: Preparation, Presentation and Perception.

When you walk into an interview, the more prepared you are, the better the chances are that you'll succeed. Memorize everything you put on your resume and cover letter and be prepared to explain each item. But you should also be ready to talk about more than just yourself. Get to know your future employer.

Warren Davis, the Director of Recruiting and Employment for RadioShack, emphasizes this point. “Your resume and application are fair game. Candidates should study themselves and the company with whom they’re interviewing.”

Read industry trade magazines, visit the company web site, and do a company search on Yahoo! Finance to find current news about your prospective employer. Be prepared to demonstrate what you know about the company and the industry.

Michele Stagg, the Director of Human Resources at Banana Republic, says she is consistently impressed when candidates work their skills into the context of company news. “The more an informed candidate can tie past experience to the requirements of the job they are interviewing for, particularly in terms of what the company is doing, the better.”

Another important part of preparation is making sure you look the part. Choosing what you wear is so important that it deserves its own article - Interview in Style.

Keep in mind that you are marketing yourself to everyone you meet. The more people you leave with a good impression, the better your chances are of being remembered. Project yourself as someone who is thoughtful, helpful, and prepared.

Effective presentation includes being in the right place, at the right time. If you're late for the interview, you could inadvertently tell your interviewer that you're not right for the job.

With 35 years of experience in HR, Peter Ackerson, Specialist Leader at Deloitte Consulting, has been directly involved in hiring hundreds of candidates. When it comes to job interviews, he's seen it all. “There’s nothing worse than getting a call from someone who is hung up in traffic or went to the wrong office,” he explains.

Once you arrive, introduce yourself to the receptionist and turn off that cell phone. “Having a phone go off during an interview is a real turn off,” says Ackerson.

According to psychologist Albert Mehrabian, more than half of our communication is nonverbal or body language. Stagg agrees. “Body language is exceptionally important. Positive, upright and open body language shows self confidence and interest.” During introductions give a firm handshake and then take a seat facing the interviewer.

When you go over your resume focus on your accomplishments instead of reiterating job descriptions. Presenting yourself as an active problem solver will show an employer that you can contribute and succeed in the role. Stagg agrees that this technique can make a fantastic impact. “Give very specific examples of your qualifications. If you have qualifications in financial analysis, give examples of projects you worked on where your analysis was necessary. Describe your experiences that tie in to your skills or qualifications. Even better, tell me how those will help you meet the requirements of the role you might fill in our company.”

The best way to know if your interviewer is getting what he needs is to ask questions. Susan Vobejda, the VP of Marketing at HotJobs elaborates, “When your interviewer asks you a complicated question, don’t launch into your answer straightaway. Make certain you understand what is being asked." A clarifying question, or restating the question in your own words saves you from wasting your interviewer’s time, and demonstrates that your are a careful listener. Asking the right questions can also demonstrate your ability to think strategically, and help you decide if the position is right for you. To that end, Stagg suggests ending the interview with this question: “What are you looking for in a candidate to fill this role?” If the answer turns out to be something that doesn’t match your expectations, then you need to speak up.

Many candidates are so intimidated by the interview, they forget that the interviewer has a stake in seeing the candidate succeed. Peter Ackerson describes his attitude going into an interview as one of “hopeful skepticism.” They don’t want you to fail; they want you to show them why you will succeed with their company. The sooner they hire you, the sooner the search can end.

18 ways to stay focused at work

2006-08-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

Here’s a list of 18 ways to stay focused at work I picked up from some article doing the rounds..

Write out a daily task list and plan your day. There’s nothing like a task list sitting next to you to keep you focused. When you have a list of the things you need to accomplish in a day, having that close to you constantly reminding you of what needs to be done is a great way of keeping on track.
Allocate time slots colleagues can interrupt you. In a busy work place, people are moving and talking all the time. If you play a role in a team where others need to interact with you, try allocating a time slot they can interrupt you. Instead of having people stop by your desk every 10 mins and asking you questions, let them know of a time in the day, say between 2-4pm you can be interrupted. At all other times, you can really get some work done.
Apply time boxing. In a previous article, I wrote about the benefits of time boxing. Instead of working at something till it is done, try working on it for a limited period, say 30 mins. By that time, the task is either completed or you allocate another time slot, perhaps in another day, to pick it up again. This way, you keep your work fresh and engaging throughout the entire working day.
Setup filters in your email. If you spend a lot of your time communicating and planning in front of your computer, chances are you deal with emails on a frequent basis. Setting up filters in your email client can be a great way of sorting out what’s important and urgent from personal stuff which can wait. Instead of dealing with a single Inbox with hundreds of unread email, you only need to deal with smaller folders categorised by project, priority and context.
Do not check personal email in the morning. Checking personal emails can be very distracting even with filters setup. This is especially true when your friends send you links to interesting articles, jokes or videos on YouTube. If you’re not careful, you can get side tracked for hours. Instead of checking your personal email as soon as you get in, try starting work straight away. This will build up some momentum as you ease into your work day. You should check your personal email only after you have a few tasks completed or underway. Also, if you don’t want to perpetuate a particular distracting email thread, just don’t reply to it until after work.
Set your IM status. If you use Instant Messenger, when you don’t want to be disturbed, make use of the status and set yourself as being away or busy. Your friends and colleagues will honour that. They can either send you an email or look you up later when you aren’t as busy.
Listen to the right types of music. Music is a great way of settling into the working routine. In addition, having music can drown out office noises like printers and background chattering. Be careful though, depending on personal preference, some types of music are not particularly conducive to productive work. For me, I can’t work when listening to songs with lots of lyrics because the words interrupt my thinking process.
Use the headphones but leave the music off. Some people prefer to have absolute silence when working. I think that also depends on what kind of work you are doing. If you’re doing some serious planning or something computational, having music blasting in your ears may not be the best thing for keeping focused. Try using headphones or ear plugs to block out the background noise but leave the music off.
Fill up a water bottle. Keeping yourself hydrated is pretty important for all sorts of health reasons. Instead of going to the water cooler with your glass every hour, try filling up a water bottle at the start of the day. This does a couple of things - firstly, it limits the starts/stops associated every time you get up for water and secondly, it avoids being sucked into lengthy discussions around the water cooler.
Find the best time to do repetitive and boring tasks. No matter how much you try to avoid it, you’re going to have to face doing things which are either repetitive or boring. For these tasks, I find it is best to choose a time in the day to work on them. For example, I’m more alert at the start of the day, so it’s better to work on things which require brain power early. Working on boring tasks that can be done via auto-pilot are better left towards the end of the day when I’m usually tired.
Bring your lunch and have it at your desk. I’m not suggesting you do this every day, but if you really have to focus and are trying to meet a deadline, having your lunch at your desk really helps. The normal one hour lunch break can really interrupt any momentum you might have built up during the morning. I find when I’m eating lunch at my desk, my lunch breaks are shorter and I can get through a few emails while I’m eating. After I’m done, I’m straight back working on the next task.
Don’t make long personal calls. Most of us have a good separation between our working and personal lives (or a least try to). I think we can all agree we should avoid having work intrude on our personal time as much as possible. The reverse of this also applies. Try limiting the time you spend doing personal things during work as they can be distracting and draining on your motivation. For example, you do not really want to be thinking about your weekend away with your spouse when you really need to get things done.
Clean up your desk. Some of you may have desks which can only be described as ordered chaos. That’s not necessarily a bad thing as long as you can find what you need without too much digging around. However, if you can’t, I suggest cleaning up your desk. That doesn’t mean having an empty desk, it just means having neat stacks of paper, all filed in the correct location. It also helps tremendously having all the things you need easily within arms reach. For example, if you need a place to write, having your pen and notepad close by and easily accessible is incredibly useful.
Get a good chair. If you sit for long hours at your desk and I’m sure some of you do, you might find it helpful to get a good chair. I find it’s pretty hard to stay focused when my neck and back are sore because I have a bad setup at my desk. A good chair can eliminate this, allowing you to work for long stretches without breaks and physical distractions.
Use shortcuts on your computer. If you find you do the same thing with your computer more than once throughout the day, you might find it helpful to look for ways in which you can do them without too much manual repetition. For example, if there’s a project folder you access all the time, try adding a shortcut to your Explorer or Finder so you can get access to it with a single click, instead of expanding folder after folder in the tree panel.
Close programs you’re not using. As a software engineer, I use a lot of programs important to my work. However, in most cases, I only need a few applications open at the same time. Instead of Alt-Tabbing constantly and fighting the computer to locate the program you need, try only having the applications you need open. Close everything else. For example, if you have already located a file and no longer need a particular Explorer or Finder instance open, close it. There’s no reason to leave it around at all.
Limit time on Digg, Delicious, news sites and blogs. I don’t think I need to say too much about this. There are so many sites on the Internet worth looking at, including this site . Digg, Delicious, news and blogs are great from an interest perspective, but they can really take you away from the work you should be working on. Try to limit going to these sites during the working day. If you really have to, try doing it during your lunch time. No, you don’t need to have your finger on the pulse every single minute of the day…
Change your mindset and make work fun. For me, I find it difficult to stay focused on doing things I’m not by nature interested in doing. In most cases, there’s probably nothing I can do about it. However, be mindful of the fact that your perception of work is something you can control. For my last tip here, I suggest you try changing your mindset or turning work into a game. An unfocused mind, is an unchallenged mind. So make things fun!

I hope these tips will take you closer to more focused and productive work days. If you are still in need for more tips about staying focused, you can take a look at a previous blockbuster smash hit article I wrote entitled 11 ways of staying focused. In that article, I approached the issue from a top down, rather than bottom up perspective.

Ok, good luck! If you like this article, tell your friends, Digg it or add it to your Delicious bookmarks.

Hey, what are you still doing here? Get back to work!

Volcano and Aurora in Iceland (Amazing Image)

2006-08-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

17 Pithy Insights For Startup Founders

2006-07-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

1. Seek transparency and understanding with your partners early. Issues get harder as time passes

2. Startup founders work long hours for a reason. There’s more work than there are people. If you’re seeking balance, seek it elsewhere.

3. Bad customers will drain you of passion. Really bad customers will drain you of both passion and profits. Unfortunately, most bad customers will degenerate into really bad customers if you don’t do something about it.

4. If you’re changing direction ften, worry a little. If you’re changing people often, worry a lot.

5. It’s lonely at the top, but even lonelier at the bottom. In the early days of a startup, hardly anyone wants to talk to you (except some desperate vendors).

6. Eventually, your product will need to work and do something useful. No amount of marketing or strategy will get you around this.

7. At the end of each day, ask yourself: “Did the product get better for customers today?”. If you don’t have a good answer, stay up until you do.

8. Until you are profitable, time is working against you. Once you are profitable, time is on your side.

9. Learn to take calculated risks. The market rarely rewards safe bets.

10. To improve the quality of your output, improve the quality if your inputs. Read, converse and connect with the right people.

11. Force yourself to write, as it will force you to think.

12. At least once every year or so, your startup will almost die.

13. The problem you solve should be ugly. The solution you build should be beautiful.

14. Even the most successful startup ideas had 100 reasons not to pursue them. There is no perfect idea.

15. If the pain doesn’t kill you, it just hurts a lot.

16. You choose your destiny, because you choose your team.

17. Be who you are. Do what you love. Join people you like.

How to restore a hacked Linux server July 17, 2006

2006-07-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

Posted by - Marius - in : Linux, Security , trackback

Every sysadmin will try its best to secure the system/s he is managing. Hopefully you never had to restore your own system from a compromise and you will not have to do this in the future. Working on several projects to restore a compromised Linux system for various clients, I have developed a set of rules that others might find useful in similar situations. The type of hacks encountered can be very variate and you might see very different ones than the one I will present, or I have seen live, but even so, this rules might be used as a starting point to develop your own recovery plan.

In most cases if you have a system compromise at root level, you will hear that you have to fully reinstall the system and start fresh because it will be very hard to remove all the hidden files the attacker has placed on the system. This is completely true and if you can afford to do this then you should do it. Still even in this case the compromised system contains valuable information that can be used to understand the attack and prevent it in the future.

Here is a short overview of the steps that I will present:

* Don’t panic. Keep your calm and develop a plan of actions
* Disconnect the system from the network
* Discover the method used to compromise the system
* Stop all the attacker scripts and remove his files
* Restore not affected services
* Fix the problem that caused the compromise
* Restore the affected services
* Monitor the system

Don’t panic. Keep your calm and develop a plan of actions

Ok. You have just found out that you have to restore a hacked system. My first suggestion is to remain calm. Don’t rush and do something you will regret later. Why? Of course you will have to take action as soon as possible, but you can assume that the compromise is probably active for some time and if you act in second 1 or minute 10 this will probably not make much of a difference. If you have experience with such situations and have a proper plan in your mind, go for it, and don’t waste any time. If not, just relax, take 5 minutes to think about what you should do and how to solve this problem.
Example of bad actions during this time: you will rush and kill all the running scripts the attacker has launched and then have a timeout when you will think what to do next… In this time the attacker might see you have discovered him (for example from his irc bot, etc.) and might become upset and clean up the system for you…
Of course you should not go on with your planned trip and take care of this when you get back, I am just saying to use 5-10 minutes to think on this and develop a short action plan. There should be no timeout in your actions and you should always know what is the next step.
Disconnect the system from the network

This might not always be possible. But if you have physical access to the system or even if you are remotely on a system in a datacenter that provides a way to connect from a console (either a regular remote console, or a KVM, or a DRAC card in Dell servers, etc.), then this should be the next step. Connect to the remote console and bring down the network interface.
If you don’t have a remote console, here are some other ideas: you might be able to rent a KVM for a limited time from your datacenter, or you might have to write some iptables rules to block any kind of access besides your own IP.
After this your system will appear down to everyone, including the attacker that will see that the system is completely down.
Discover the method used to compromise the system

This step in my opinion is the most important one and you should not proceed any further until you have a proper answer to the question: “How did the attacker get in?” This step will be probably the most time consuming as the type of attacks can be quite variate. Still if you don’t find out how the attacker got in, then you will risk that you place the system online and he will be able to compromise the system in a matter of minutes. And this time he might not be so nice and you will not have anything to restore… So even if there is not a general method for this, here are some ideas to get you started:

Depending from what tools you have already configured, you need to identify the files uploaded on the system:

* if you have a system like tripwire configured use it to find out what files where added/changed.
* if you don’t have any such system installed, you might have to use the find command to search for the files newer than x days that were added to the system (also changed files in the respective interval).

Who owns the uploaded files?

* finding out the owner of the files will probably show you what application was used to get in. For example files uploaded as the web user will indicate that the web service was used to get in.

Investigate the uploaded files.

* the files that were uploaded on the system might provide valuable information about the attack. For example the attacker might use the same exploit to attack other systems from your compromised server. This can quickly show you what exploit he is using.

Get as much information from the running scripts launched by the attacker.

* as you have seen I have not recommended to stop yet the running scripts that the attacker might have launched. Why? Because they contain invaluable information to identify the attack. Use lsof on them (lsof -p PID) to see useful details. Where are they located? what user owns them? You might find the source of the attack from this information.

Use Rootkit detection tools.

* you might want to run some rootkit detections tools like rkhunter or chkrootkit to quickly identify common attacks.

Investigate system logs.

* with the information gathered by now you might reduce the size of the log information you have to investigate.

Hopefully you have found the source of the attack by now. Again this is very dependent of the type of attack. The most common one you might see these days is an exploit using a vulnerable web application and an attacker that will launch various scripts (irc bots, scanning tools, attacks on other systems, etc.). Still you might see something different like an attacker not launching any script, loading kernel modules to hide its tracks, to make it more difficult to identify or even see the compromise.
Stop all the attacker scripts and remove his files

Once you have identified the cause of the attack you can safely kill all the running scripts launched by the attacker and remove all his files (save them in a different location for further investigation). At this point we no longer need the scripts running as we got the information we could find from them. The system is still unavailable at this point and no service is available to the world.

Don’t forget to clean-up also the locations that the attacker might have entered to start his scripts on system reboot. Look in init scripts, rc.local, cron tabs for this.
Restore not affected services

Once we know the service used for the attack we can stop it and restore the network connection and all the unaffected services the system might provide. For example if the web server was used to get in, we can stop it, and restore other services like mail, dns, to minimize the downtime of the system.
Fix the problem that caused the compromise

Before starting the service used to compromise the system you should fix the problem so this will not happen again once the service is open to the public… Depending on the problem this might involve: patching a vulnerable daemon, upgrading a vulnerable web application (or temporary disable it), writing some special rulers to block it (for ex. mod_security rules might help in case of no patch available for a web application), etc.
Restore the affected services

Once you have fixed the problem you can restart the service used to get inside the system.
Monitor the system

Now is the time to monitor closely the system and see if the fix you have implemented is working. Most certainly the attacker will try to get in again as he will see he has ‘lost’ the system. If you notice any problem stop the service at once and reiterate again to the step to fix the problem (stop the service, fix it, restore it).
Conclusion

These steps are obviously not usable all the time because of the variety of attacks you might encounter, but they can be used as a baseline to develop your own plan of actions. Again in such situations, keep your calm, don’t rush, and work to restore the system based on a clear set of steps.
If you had similar experiences please feel free to share your own tips to help others that might find themselves in such a situation.

What?! Rupert can't leave! He's the only one who know the SCLABE system!

2006-07-18T16:50:00.000-07:00

Which is precisely why he's leaving. Poor Rupert has been trying to spend more time with the rest of the .NET team doing cool stuff, but he keeps getting dragged off to fix the old SCLABE* system.

Any time a tweak is required, Rupert's manager gets Rupert to do it, because he's been here the longest, knows it the most, and can fix it the quickest. And he knows exactly why an extra column is added on alternate weekends - a previous customer was having problems with their invoicing, so this was introduced to get round it.

But now Rupert's off, all his manager can think to do is get him to document what he knows about SCLABE. The thing is, Rupert's motivation percentage is equal to the number of days left at the company; today there are 17 days left, so he is 17% motivated. So Rupert adds a table of contents to the document, changes the headers and footers, tweaks "Heading 2" so it has 6pt spacing before and 12pt afterwards. He writes about the objectives of the system, describes the main areas of the system as an overview, and spends the rest of the day trying to get Visio to draw something resembling a diagram of the system.

In other words, he's wasting everyone's time.

To be fair, he's asked what he needs to write, and the answer was "enough for someone else to take over from you". Well, to take over, they need to know what the thing does, right? But that doesn't really help the next guy (who had better not be me) when the next tweak is required. There isn't any documentation that will help. There can't possibly be. Why? Because it isn't Rupert's knowledge that needs to be passed on, it's his experience. And that can't be passed on in a document. I can read a document telling me how to do a backside footplant wallride, but that doesn't mean I understand it, let alone have any success with it.

So what to do? For Rupert's boss, not a lot, except learn for next time. Rupert's experience needs to be passed on, which can only be achieved by showing someone. Although I've never been a manager, if I was stuck managing SCLABE, I would find a volunteer or two (willing or otherwise) to learn from Rupert. When a tweak is required, the volunteer, let's call her Ingrid, would sit at the keyboard, with Rupert next to her. Rupert would tell her how to navigate through the code, what to look for, how to implement the change, how to test it, where to deploy it to, and everything else, without actually doing it himself. Rupert would answer questions, and sometimes withhold information to make sure Ingrid thought about what she was doing. She would either work it out, or have to ask the right questions.

In this way, Ingrid would actually experience the system, and start to understand it. After a few of these sessions, she may be able to fix some things by herself. This would free up Rupert to get on with the cool AJAX stuff. If Rupert spent time with others in the team, then it would seem fair, and people could take turns. If Rupert left, then SCLABE fixes wouldn't be a major trauma, as someone else could do it. Rupert would be less likely to leave anyway, as he's now a confident, successful mentor, and even has time to write some Ruby on skis.

* SCLABE is a fictional legacy system written in COBOL on an AS/400. Rupert is a fictional developer, whose resemblance to anyone you know is the whole point of this exercise.

Confessions of an IT pro: My nine biggest professional blunders

2006-07-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

July 12, 2006

Takeaway:
We've all had at least one or two embarrassing moments on the job, whether they involved inadvertently wreaking havoc on a system, making a social gaffe, or mishandling a project. IT pro Becky Roberts decided to come clean and share her worst career moments--along with the lessons she took away from each experience.

This article is also available as a PDF download.

Over the past 16 years of being paid to make computers and people work together in perfect harmony, I have collected a number of incidents that make me wince and blush in embarrassment when I think of them. The mistakes I've made fall roughly into three categories: technical, political, and career management. Here, in no particular order, are my most outstanding screw-ups and the lessons I have, I hope, learned.

#1: Accidentally deleting the VP's files without having a backup. I don't even remember how I did this. Not only did I delete the files, but it wasn't until the format was in process that I realized my mistake. I spent a nervous 30 minutes deciding how to deal with the situation. Should I lie and try to shift the blame? I couldn't blame any other person, as I was the whole IT department. Should I just return his computer and act dumb? "Well, the files were there when I gave the computer to you." Nothing I could think up felt right. In the end, I simply walked into his office, handed him his computer,and confessed, "I have screwed up. I deleted all your files and have no means of getting them back. It was completely my fault." Silence. Then: "Okay. Please be more careful in future." That was it. That was all he said. I could've kissed his feet, my feeling of relief matched only by the feeling of abject stupidity and incompetence.

Lesson learned? BACK UP BACK UP BACK-UP. Never delete, move, modify, upgrade, update, patch, flash, or format without making at least one backup. I have never knowingly lost a file since.

#2: Modifying the payroll program so no one received OT. This was at a ceramics factory in the Midwest. Payroll consisted of a Basic program on a minicomputer. A new rule for calculating overtime was to go into effect, and I was given the assignment of making the appropriate modification. I made the required change on a copy of the live program and did a walkthrough. The logic seemed flawless. I showed the program to my boss and he gave it his blessing. He said that he would put it into production at the start of the next pay period. Alarmed, I asked if we had a test system. I had been working for the company for just two months and was not familiar with the infrastructure. He grinned and said we didn't have one.

Two weeks later, a virtual riot broke out as the employees opened their checks to discover the awful truth: no overtime, none, nil, nothing, nada. My boss said I could go home early as I was looking horrifically pale.

Lesson learned? This is a tough one. Obviously, I had made a programming error and needed to improve my skills. But should I have realized that my abilities as a programmer weren't up to the task and tried to refuse the assignment? I did express my qualms about putting an untested program into production, but perhaps I should've done so more forcefully. Probably the most important lesson I learned from this incident is to ask very detailed questions about the infrastructure when interviewing for a new position and try to identify and avoid companies that don't support best practices.

#3: Going live on a demo copy of Exchange. I was a new hire into a two-person IT department and given the project of installing MS Exchange. The company was using a text-based freeware e-mail system, but it was so difficult to use there was no mail to migrate, so this could be a simple install.

I obtained a demo copy of Exchange, installed and configured it, and selected a small group of test users. I set up training for all users who were interested and soon expanded the "test" group to include all the employees. As days turned into weeks, the amount of data being stored grew rapidly. Users created folders and archives and entered their contacts. I ordered the appropriate Exchange licenses, assuming that they could be applied to the demo version. Finding no way to apply the license, I called Microsoft only to learn the heart-stopping truth that there was no way to apply the license, and worse, after 90 days the demo system would simply cease to function. This was day 88. Needless to say, I spent the next 48 hours on the phone with Microsoft tech support setting up a new server to replace the demo one, migrating data, and changing client configuration. It was one big, panicky mess. The only good to come out of this situation was that it turned into a great opportunity for learning.

Most salient of the many lessons learned?

* Don't go live on a demo application without first checking that it doesn't self-destruct on its expiration date.
* Make a project plan and stick to it. I should not have expanded the test group to the whole company.
* Improve communications with the users. They should not have been allowed to use the test system to the extent that they became dependent on it.
* Insist on being allowed to attend training before assuming responsibility for a new system.

#4: Taking backups for granted. Server backups were my sole responsibility. I set up the backup server and religiously changed tapes every day. The very first time a user needed a file restored, I discovered that the folder containing the file had not been successfully backed up for more than three months. Worse, the particular file in question had never been backed up. Suppressing the urge to blame the failure on a software fault rather than my own negligence, I went to the user and apologized. He was not at all impressed.

Lessons learned?
* Never take backups for granted.
* Check backup logs in detail daily.
* Practice restores on a routine basis.
* Set up a schedule for reviewing the backup strategy.

#5: Possessing unique knowledge. Although it may seem that possessing unique knowledge and skills within a company should offer some job security, not only is this a delusion but the possession of such knowledge can also become a burden that negatively affects your personal life. On several occasions throughout my career, I have allowed myself to be in just such a situation, where my failure to share my knowledge led to interrupted weekends with the family, phone calls at all hours of the night, phone calls while on vacation, and my favorite, a phone call to the ICU less than six hours after brain surgery.

Lesson learned? Document, share, and train. Sometimes, in a small company or during an implementation, it can be impossible not to possess unique knowledge. But staying aware and alert to the danger can minimize this risk. When provided with the appropriate documentation, it is surprising what even a relatively unskilled alternate can achieve in a crisis.

#6: Creating inadequate self-documentation. In addition to failing to document procedures for the purpose of sharing knowledge, I have shot myself in the foot on more than one occasion by failing to document a procedure or configuration I was sure I would remember. While working under pressure, with users breathing down my neck, it's all to easy to take shortcuts and make worthless self-promises to document later, when the crisis is over. Unfortunately, the next crisis hits, and then the next, and soon the documentation is forgotten until it's needed in the midst of yet another crisis.

Lesson learned? This lesson hasn't been fully learned yet. I've started taking screen shots and brief notes while working under pressure, but I still procrastinate in doing a full write-up after the crisis is over.

#7: Failing to establish the extent of my authority at the start of projects. Over the years, I have been the project manager for a variety of implementations, upgrades, and migrations. With one exception, each project was successful, in that the defined objectives were met by the deadline. But the process by which this was achieved was not necessarily the most efficient or the least stressful.

I hadn't seen the need to establish my authority at the start of a project as, until recently, all the members of each team had respected it. On a more recent project, in a very hierarchically structured company, my team consisted of a few peers, my boss, a couple of managers, and a VP. A more experienced PM suggested that I call a meeting specifically to determine exactly how much authority I had over the members of my team. I thought this was unnecessary and soon began to suffer as a result.

The project had various critical path items that had to be complete by specific dates, but despite my fervid attempts to communicate this to the team members responsible for the items, they would frequently thwart me: "I'm taking Friday off. My boss approved it." "I can't do that today; I need to do this." I had all the responsibility for the success of the project but none of the authority necessary to ensure its success. As a result, it was my first project not to meet the deadline.

Lessons learned? The first step of any project I am managing will be to establish what authority I am to be accorded. And if it's not sufficient to guarantee the success of the project, I'll have the temerity to either ask for more or suggest that a more senior project manager be appointed.

#8: Sending an insensitive e-mail to an employee. I received an e-mail from an employee detailing an extensive list of problems she was experiencing with her computer. Without any malicious intention, I shot off a reply saying that it sounded like new computer time. Thinking no more about it, I added her problems to my list of tasks for the day. A few minutes later, I was summoned into an emergency meeting with my supervisor and his boss. As I walked in the door, I was handed a printout of my e-mail reply to the employee and told to explain myself.

Thoroughly confused, I stated that I didn't understand what was going on. My boss explained that the employee was extremely offended by my e-mail as she had interpreted my levity as a refusal to take her problems seriously or help her. I was shocked that a few innocent words, an attempt at a lame joke, had been so drastically misunderstood. I was instructed to apologize to the user and fix her problems immediately.

Lessons learned?

* Do not attempt to be funny or clever in e-mail; play it completely straight.
* Have a formalized procedure for handling requests for help.
* Always inform users of when they can expect their problems to be addressed upon receipt of their request for help.

#9: Not taking advantage of free training and certification opportunities. Each time I have updated my resume in preparation for seeking a new job, I've regretted not having formal certifications to accompany my experience. This has been particularly irritating when the company I am trying to leave has a policy of paying for any classes the employees want to take, whether they're relevant to the business or not. It's kept me from applying to several jobs I was otherwise qualified for simply because they required possession of particular certifications.

Lessons learned? Take advantage of all free training opportunities, even if they have to be pursued out of business hours.

Help With The College To Career Transition

2006-07-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

Interesting article for graduating students in search of jobs.. and a career..

Changing from a career as a college student to the dreaded career in “the real world” leaves many students in somewhat of a culture shock. Many college students have an internship or two under their belt by the time they get to college and I highly recommend that to ease the transition.

Here are some things that you can realize or change as a college student that will help you in moving to a 9 to 5:

1. Change doesn’t come easy
Most college students come out thinking they will fix everything in a company. Keep this attitude but be realistic. Even if the way something is done now is inefficient, change is a big deal. People don’t like to change because they have to re-learn or break a habit. There is also usually a bigger picture than you don’t yet know. Just because it should change doesn’t mean it will.
2. Connections often trump performance
You will experience this especially in your job search. The easiest way to get a job is not submitting your resume online, but through someone on the inside. You are also going to see this in your superiors and co-workers. Your superior may not be as qualified or knowledgeable, but they know more people than you. Of course connections without good performance backing you up will catch up to you.
3. Be a nerd, but with social skills
Nerds are not hugely succesful, nerds with social skills are successful. Unless you invent time travel, how well you can talk to a computer doesn’t matter if you can’t also talk to superiors, co-workers, investors and customers.
4. Keep it simple
Many students try to impress with essay emails or big words. Emails should reflect the way you would explain in person. Long emails get ignored or skimmed, so keep them short and/or bulleted. Don’t make me get a dictionary or read a novel.
5. Be casual, yet professional
You will not talk work all the time. Share stories to build relationships, but learn what to talk about with different people. You won’t share the same stories or detail with superiors as you do peers. Even with peers it is possible to go to far.
6. Use your first job experience
More than likely your first job is not where you will retire. You need that job to get experience, but it doesn’t have to be your life’s calling. Use what you learn to find out what it is you do want to do for the rest of your life.
7. Maintain an attitude of innovation
While this may seem to contradict some of what I said, maintain an attitude of bringing innovation. The routine of working can dull your creativity, but people don’t get promoted (usually) for consistently meeting expectations. Bringing innovation will exceed expectations, so maintain your “change the world” attitude, but don’t expect it to happen tomorrow.

find .. linux

2006-07-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

CLI Magic: Searching with find

Monday July 10, 2006 (08:01 AM GMT)

By: Paul Hudson and Andrew Hudson

The find command is one of the darkest and least understood areas of Linux, but it is also one of the most powerful. The biggest problem with find is that it has more options than most people can remember -- it truly is capable of doing most things you could want.

Admittedly, the find command does not help itself by using X-style parameters. The Unix standard is -c, -s, and so on, whereas the GNU standard is --dosomething, --mooby, and so forth. X-style parameters merge the two by having words preceded by only one dash. The most basic usage is this:

find -name "*.txt"

That query searches the current directory and all subdirectories for files that end in .txt. The previous search finds files ending in .txt but not .TXT, .Txt, or other case variations. To search without case sensitivity, use -iname instead of -name. You can optionally specify where the search should start before the -name parameter, like this:

find /home -name "*.txt"

Another useful test is -size, which lets you specify how big the files should be to match. You can specify your size in kilobytes and optionally also use + or - to specify greater than or less than. For example:

 find /home -name "*.txt" -size 100k

 find /home -name "*.txt" -size +100k

 find /home -name "*.txt" -size -100k

The first brings up files of exactly 100KB, the second only files greater than 100KB, and the last only files less than 100KB.

The -user option enables you to specify the user that owns the files you are looking for. So, to search for all files in /home that end with .txt, are under 100KB, and are owned by user paul, you would use this:

find /home -name "*.txt" -size -100k -user paul

You can flip any of the conditions by specifying -not before them. For example, you can add a -not before -user paul to find matching files owned by everyone but paul:

find /home -name "*.txt" -size -100k -not -user paul

You can add as many -not parameters as you need, even using -not -not to cancel each other out! (Yes, that is pointless.) Keep in mind, though, that -not -size -100k is essentially equivalent to -size +100k, with the exception that the former will match files of exactly 100KB whereas the latter will not.

You can use -perm to specify which permissions a file should have for it to be matched. This is tricky, so read carefully. The permissions are specified in the same way as with the chmod command: u for user, g for group, o for others, r for read, w for write, and x for execute. However, before you give the permissions, you need to specify a plus, a minus, or a blank space. If you specify neither a plus nor a minus, the files must exactly match the mode you give. If you specify -, the files must match all the modes you specify. If you specify +, the files must match any the modes you specify. Confused yet?

The confusion can be cleared up with some examples. This next command finds all files that have permission o=r (readable for other users). Notice that if you remove the -name parameter, it is equivalent to * because all filenames are matched.

find /home -perm -o=r

Any files that have o=r set are returned from that query. Those files also might have u=rw and other permissions, but as long as they have o=r, they will match. This next query matches all files that have o=rw set:

find /home -perm -o=rw

However, that query does not match files that are o=r or o=w. To be matched, a file must be readable and writeable by other users. If you want to match readable or writeable (or both), you need to use +, like this:

find /home -perm +o=rw

Similarly, this next query matches files that are only readable by user, group, and others:

find /home -perm -ugo=r

Whereas this query matches files as long as they are readable by the user, or by the group, or by others, or by any combination of the three:

find /home -perm +ugo=r

If you use neither + nor -, you are specifying the exact permissions to search for. For example, the next query searches for files that are readable by user, group, and others but not writeable or executable by anyone:

find /home -perm ugo=r

You can be as specific as you need to be with the permissions. For example, this query finds all files that are readable for the user, group, and others and writeable by the user:

find /home -perm ugo=r,u=w

To find files that are not readable by others, use the -not condition, like this:

find /home -not -perm +o=r

Now, on to the most advanced aspect of the find command: the -exec parameter. This enables you to execute an external program each time a match is made, passing in the name of the matched file wherever you want it. This has very specific syntax: Your command and its parameters should follow immediately after -exec, terminated by \;. You can insert the filename match at any point using {} (an opening and a closing brace side by side).

So, you can match all text files on the entire system (that is, searching recursively from / rather than from /home as in our previous examples) over 10KB, owned by paul, that are not readable by other users, and then use chmod to enable reading, like this:

find / -name "*.txt" -size +10k -user paul -not -perm +o=r -exec chmod o+r {} \;

When you type your own -exec parameters, be sure to include a space before \;. Otherwise, you might see an error such as missing argument to ´-exec'.

Do you see now why some people think the find command is scary? Many people learn just enough about find to be able to use it in a very basic way, but hopefully you will see how much it can do if you give it a chance.

11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep --- By Ty Wenger

2006-07-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was in the ninth grade when I learned a vital lesson about love. My girlfriend at the time, Amy, was stunningly cute, frighteningly smart and armed with a seemingly endless supply of form-fitting angora sweaters. And me? Let's just say I was an adolescent Chris Robinson to her budding Kate Hudson -- and well aware of my good fortune.
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Then one day, as we stood in line for a movie at the mall, Simone Shaw, junior high prom queen, sauntered by. Suddenly Amy turned to me. "Were you looking at her?" she asked. "Do you think she's pretty?"

My mind reeled. Of course I was looking at her! Of course she was pretty! My God, she was Simone Shaw! I paused for a second, then decided to play it straight.

"Well, yeah," I chortled.

Five days later our breakup hit the tabloids (a.k.a. the lunchroom).

There comes a time in every man's life when he discovers the value of hiding the grosser parts of his nature. He starts reciting the sweet nothings you long to hear: "No, honey, I play golf for the exercise." "No, honey, I think you're a great driver." "No, honey, I wasn't looking at that coed washing the car in the rain."

We're not lying, exactly. We're just making things...easier. But Glenn Good, Ph.D., a relationship counselor, disagrees, and maybe he has a point. "These white lies are pretty innocent, but they can turn confusing," he says. "Many women think, If he's lying about himself, is he also lying about something else? Is he having an affair? To establish trust you have to tell the truth about the innocuous stuff."

And so, in the interest of uniting the sexes, we've scoured the country for guys willing to share the private truths they wouldn't normally confess. Some are a bit crass. Some you've always suspected. Some are surprisingly sweet. (Guys don't like to reveal the mushy stuff, either.) But read on, and you may discover that the truth about men isn't all that ugly.

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you

If the oldest question in history is "What's for dinner?" the second oldest is "Were you looking at her?" The answer: Yes -- yes, we were. If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he possesses acute peripheral vision.

"When a woman walks by, even if I'm with my girlfriend, my vision picks it up," says Doug LaFlamme, 28, of Laguna Hills, California. "I fight the urge to look, but I just have to. I'm really in trouble if the woman walking by has a low-cut top on."

Granted, we men are well aware that our sizing up the produce doesn't sit well with you, given that we've already gone through the checkout line together. But our passing glances pose no threat.

"It's not that I want to make a move on her," says LaFlamme. "Looking at other women is like a radar that just won't turn off."

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you

More than 21 million American men play at least one round of golf a year; of those, an astounding 75 percent regularly shoot worse than 90 strokes a round. In other words, they stink. The point is this: "Going golfing" is not really about golf. It's about you, the house, the kids -- and the absence thereof.

"I certainly don't play because I find it relaxing and enjoyable," admits Roland Buckingham, 32, of Lewes, Delaware, whose usual golf score of 105 is a far-from-soothing figure. "As a matter of fact, sometimes by the fourth hole I wish I were back at the house with the kids screaming. But any time I leave the house and don't invite my wife or kids -- whether it's for golf or bowling or picking up roadkill -- I'm just getting away."

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you

This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an expensive videographer.

But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together." Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important

In more than 7.4 million U.S. marriages, the wife earns more than the husband -- almost double the number in 1981. This of course is a terrific development for women in the workplace and warmly embraced by all American men, right? Right?

Yeah, well, that's what we tell you. But we're shallow, competitive egomaniacs. You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home more bacon than we are -- and frying it up in a pan?

"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house

I risk being shunned at the local bar if this magazine finds its way there, because few charades are as beloved by guys as this one. To hear us talk, the Bataan Death March beats grouting that bathroom shower. And, as 30-year-old Ed Powers of Chicago admits, it's a shameless lie. "In truth, it's rewarding to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken forever," he says. Plus we get to use tools.

"The reason we don't share this information," Powers adds, "is that most women don't differentiate between taking out the trash and fixing that broken hinge; to them, both are tasks we need to get done over the weekend, preferably during the Bears game. But we want the use-your-hands, think-about-the-steps-in-the-process, home-repair opportunity, not the repetitive, no-possibility-of-a-compliment, mind-dulling, purely physical task." There. Secret's out.

Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother

With apologies to Sigmund Freud, Gloria Steinem -- and my mother-in-law.

Secret #7: Every year we love you more

Sure, we look like adults. We own a few suits. We can probably order wine without giggling. But although we resemble our father when he was our age, we still feel like that 4-year-old clutching his pant leg.

With that much room left on our emotional-growth charts, we sense we've only begun to admire you in the ways we will when we're 40, 50 and -- God forbid -- 60. We can't explain this to you, because it would probably come out sounding like we don't love you now.

"It took at least a year before I really started to appreciate my wife for something other than just great sex; and I didn't discover her mind fully until the third year we were married," says Newton. "But the older and wiser I get, the more I love my wife." Adds J.P. Neal, 32, of Potomac, Maryland: "The for-richer-or-poorer, for-better-or-worse aspects of marriage don't hit you right away. It's only during those rare times when we take stock of our life that it starts to sink in."

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about

You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?

Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.

We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store sports trivia.

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive

Want to know how to reduce your big, tough guy to a quivering mass of fear? Ask him for the car keys.

"I am scared to death when she drives," says LaFlamme.

"Every time I ride with her, I fully accept that I may die at any moment," says Buckingham.

"My wife has about one 'car panic' story a week -- and it's never her fault. All these horrible things just keep happening -- it must be her bad luck," says Andy Beshuk, 31, of Jefferson City, Missouri.

Even if your man is too diplomatic to tell you, he is terrified that you will turn him into a crash-test dummy.

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again

Granted, when I was 25 I was working 16-hour days and eating shrimp-flavored Ramen noodles six times a week. But as much as we love being with you now, we will always look back fondly on the malnourished freedom of our misguided youth. "Springsteen concerts, the '91 Mets, the Clinton presidency -- most guys reminisce about the days when life was good, easy and free of responsibility," says Rob Aronson, 41, of Livingston, New Jersey, who's been married for 11 years. "At 25 you can get away with things you just can't get away with at 40."

While it doesn't mean we're leaving you to join a rock band, it does explain why we occasionally come home from Pep Boys with a leather steering-wheel cover and a Born to Run CD.

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime

I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.

Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.

And that's the truth.

best cieling drawing ever

2006-06-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

10 tips on writing reusable code

2006-06-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

(http://hoskinator.blogspot.com/2006/06/10-tips-on-writing-reusable-code.html)

I have been trying to increase code reuse in the projects I have been doing recently. In my first few years of coding I hardly ever got to reuse any of my code because it was always too coupled together and dependant upon other parts of the code.

So recently I have been trying to write code which I can reuse. It has been interesting that since I have been doing this I have noticed that my library of code is starting to grow. I have started to create more Static Helper classes with useful methods in. I have also been removing the business logic away from any Struts actions or framework work.

To do this I have tried to do a number of things to help this and these are the sort of rules and things I do (in no order) to help me try and achieve this. They are a number of rules and tips I have picked up but can't remember where from

1. Keep the code DRY. Dry means Don't repeat yourself. This is one of the main changes I have tried to bring in. Always try to eradicate duplication and if you find any then move remove the duplication to a relevant place. Sometimes this has lead me to create Static Helper classes or sometimes move it to the class it makes most sense to have it.

2. Make a class/method do just one thing. This is along the lines of the advice of giving the class only one reason to change. This often means creating methods that other methods use but this helps to make the methods/classes simple and less coupled.

3. Write unit tests for your classes AND make it easy to test classes. Writing code that is easy to test is decoupled. If you write code and are thinking about writing a unit test for it then you tend to split up the code into smaller testable chunks.

4. Remove the business logic or main code away from any framework code. Following the rules above will help this. An example I have seen is code that is inside Struts Actions classes, this code is practically impossible to reuse because of all the Struts dependencies that it now linked with.

5. Try to think more abstractly and use Interfaces and Abstract classes. Try to hide dependencies of code behind a more Generic interface/abstract class. The benefit this gives the code is it creates a flexible point in the code where you can then hide future changes behind.

6. Code for extension. Write code that can easily be extended in the future. This is particularly true with the above point. If you write code that uses interfaces then you can extend that interface at a later point.

7. Don't write code that isn't needed. Do the simplest thing possible. Don't waste your time adding methods and classes that might be used in the future. Keep the code simple and focused on what you are trying to deliver. I think I read/heard Josh Bloch say once that "if in doubt, leave it out". Basically who wants to write code that no one (including yourself) is going to use again.

8. Try to reduce coupling. When writing code think about the links and coupling the code is creating, does it need to be linked to those other classes.

9. Be more Modular - make your code more modular, think modular, be modular.

10. Write code like your code is an External API. Imagine the code you are writing is a self contained component.

It wasn't going to be ten until I got to 8 and then thought no one writes 8 tips, lets add two more on. It isn't really a list but it's sort of aims and mental notes I try tell myself when writing code. They are more small bits of code I have written recently that has helped. I would like to hear people's comments and especially their tips on writing reusable code

Interesting article analyzing the myths and truths sorrounding women

2006-05-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

Date: 2006-04-18, 11:09PM PDT

Some rants and accumulated experience about women. Men in happy marriages or stable relationships don't need to read this; neither do men who get laid every week (or even every month). The "truth" I'm putting out here is for all of those men who, like me, worship women and can't figure out why they keep getting screwed over and dumped. The myths are things that I used to believe before I wised up.

MYTH: Women want love and affection. Women want to be treated well. If you treat a woman well, she'll treat you well.

TRUTH: Young women want whatever other young women want. They're herd creatures. If you lavish a woman with love and affection she'll think you're doing it because nobody else wants you (which may be true) and she'll dump you. In fact, if you do anything that betrays that you're a loser that other women won't touch, she'll dump you. Why? Because she wants to impress her friends with what a great catch she's made, and if she thinks that they wouldn't want you, then she doesn't want you either.

There are only three exceptions to this rule. The first exception is psychos, otherwise known as "witches, bitches, and crazy ladies." They'll stay with you because nobody else wants them, or because you're the only one who put up with their abuse. The second exception is women who like to "fix men up": those women who like to take "broken" men and turn them into the man they want. These women are single because a mature man will recognize that these women don't want him... they want to turn him into someone else. The third exception is that once in a long time you meet a woman who isn't psycho, still wants to stay with you when she finds out that you're not super stud, and doesn't want to change you into someone else. This is the one you marry.

BITTER MYTH: Women are out for money.

TRUTH: Women are out for status and fun or for security, depending upon their age. A few women are out for cold cash, but not too many. Status-seeking women aren't ready to settle down. They just wanna have fun, and they want their girlfriends to know it. They're looking for a guy they can dangle in front of their friends and say, "Look what I got!" You don't have to have money to be that guy, you just have to come across as desirable. Of course if you have money you don't need to do anything else, but having no money isn't the end of the world. The women who are out for security have had their wild fling and want to settle down. They want a guy who can provide a stable base for the future (and that includes finances).

All in all it's sort of like what guys do (and women whine about endlessly): when you're young you want some bright, bubbly thing with huge tits, a nice ass, and a trimmed bush who screams like a banshee in bed, although you'll settle for much less; when you're ready to get married you want a nice girl who isn't going to break your balls. They're usually different people unless you're very, very lucky. Young women want bad boys who will show them a good time. When they're ready to get married they want some guy who is going to be able to pay to keep them comfortable.

MYTH: Women are out for looks.

TRUTH: See above. Women are out for looks, after a fashion. A guy in good physical shape who wears decent-looking clothes is attractive because he looks after himself and probably isn't a wimp or a whiner. She can convince her friends that he's a "catch." A guy who looks and smells like a laundry bin, or who can't climb a few flights of stairs without a rest had better have some spectacular attribute to show off to her friends (like being a genius) or he's not worth her time. Any guy can compensate for lack of looks or lack of money with showmanship. He doesn't have to be a catch, just seem like one. All he has to do is make her friends think, "Damn, I wish I were going out with him instead of the loser I'm with."

MYTH: I should find one woman I like who likes me, and stick with her through thick and thin.

TRUTH: This is the biggest mistake I ever made. I used to be loyal to whomever I was with, even when someone better came along. All that happened was that I missed out on some great opportunities while I hung on with losers that ended up dumping me anyway. Do this if the two of you are getting married; once you've tied the knot it's a whole other can of worms. However, if you're just dating, do exactly the opposite. In very subtle ways you have to let her know that although you like her, there are lots of other women out there and you still notice them. Glance at tits and legs. Smile at and chat with pretty ladies, even while she's with you (you're just being friendly, of course). This is the most important thing I've learned about dating in a decade. I even thought of dating WASP bitches again, so long as I could keep this in mind. Never, never let her know that she's the only game in town. As soon as she believes that she's your "everything," she'll start whining and bitching and making demands.

Think of it like buying a car. If you let the salesman know that this is your dream car, that you've stayed awake nights thinking about buying exactly this car, do you think the price will go down? Of course not! He'll jack the price up as high as he thinks he can go and still have you buy it. If you tell your girl that you've dreamed all of your life of going out with someone like her, do you think she'll smile and kiss you and things will go on as before? Of course not! She'll realize that you'll put up with more of her bad habits, and that she can put up with fewer of yours, and the bitching will start. She'll try to make the relationship as comfortable for her as possible and still keep it going. Remember the car salesman? Remember the attitude that "this is a nice car, but there are hundreds of other great ones, including that one across the street", even as your heart is thumping and you're practically drooling? If you're just dating, this is the attitude to take.

MYTH: Having a girlfriend / fiancée / wife means being able to tell someone my problems.

TRUTH: Nobody gives a shit about your problems. Nobody ever will. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the reality of being a man. Want to tell people about your problems? Get a sex change. Or join a men's group; the flip side is that you have to listen to their problems, but it helps. I know of only two kinds of women who want to hear about your problems: ones with far more problems than you have, and ones who fancy themselves amateur psychiatrists and like "fixing" men. Neither is good company. Let's face it: many women spend all day whining to their friends about how awful their lives are and listening to their neurotic friends responding in kind. The last thing they want to do is go out with you and hear more of the same.

To make matters worse, women simply don't "get" many of men's problems. Women have problems with things that don't even bother us, but they expect us to be understanding or at least tolerant; we have problems with things that don't even bother them, and no amount of explaining will cause the light to go on or elicit any sympathy.

So why not just commit hara-kiri now? Because it's not that bad. You get over it. In particular, once you figure out how to handle women a lot of your problems seem smaller and more manageable.

MYTH: Having a girlfriend / fiancée / wife means someone will finally understand me.

TRUTH: Understanding—true understanding—takes decades. If you spend most of your time with the love of your life trying to explain yourself, she will have nothing but contempt for you, for two reasons. First, because she doesn't want to hear your whining (see above). Second, and more important, women want to maintain the self-delusion that they already understand men. Women everywhere claim that they understand men and that "men are simple creatures." The truth is that women haven't a clue where most men are coming from and furthermore they care only insofar as they want to control us. Nonetheless, they want to maintain the fiction that they have us figured out.

It's a pride and status thing. A woman who doesn't "understand" her man can't control him, and a woman who can't control her man is a loser. The more you try to explain yourself, the more complex and multi-dimensional you become (a.k.a. "difficult"), and the less she can claim to understand you.

Besides, most of the time you're explaining yourself to her you're really trying to figure yourself out. Go do it in a corner, hire a professional listener, or join a men's group. She doesn't want to hear it. If you master the art of keeping your problems to yourself she will complain bitterly about this. She will bitch and whine that you're not open enough and that she has to drag things out of you. She will also secretly love this. It gives her one more thing to complain about to her friends.

MYTH: If only I could meet the right woman, my life would have meaning.

TRUTH: If your life doesn't have meaning right now, when you're single, then a relationship isn't going to help. You'll pile too much baggage on top of the delicate emotional bonds too early, and the whole thing will collapse like a house of cards. Want to see this in action? Watch women: they do this all the time. In particular, women who whine about men who can't make a commitment are probably doing exactly this: looking to a man to make their life mean something. It doesn't work.

The only way to have a happy life is to develop one for yourself, then leave an opening for someone else to come and share it with you. Neither of these two things is easy. In particular, it's too easy once you've developed a life for yourself to end up with someone who was doing exactly what you were doing before—waiting for Prince Charming (or in your case Lady Love)—to come and rescue her life. People like this end up draining away all of that energy you've worked so hard to build up, leaving you exhausted and frustrated.

Take it from me: I waited for Lady Love for decades. Finally I gave up, got angry, got off my ass and tried to make a life for myself, and suddenly I was surrounded by women who wanted to date me. After a while I met someone who was very special to me and I married her. Now my life is about the same as before, but I have someone with whom to share it. As much as I prefer being with someone, I must tell you that having her with me doesn't make my life any more or less meaningful. I'm pretty much where I was before, only now I have company, which is nice.

[P.S.: After two years she turned into one of those people who was waiting for her life to mean something, and she drained away all of my good energy. Oh well. Some things just don't turn out as planned, no matter how hard you try. Rats.]

MYTH: If I treat a woman well and listen to what she says, she'll stop complaining

TRUTH: Women never stop complaining. For them, it's a sport. Some complain more than others, but none of them will ever stop, any more than one day men will stop discussing football. Men have built civilizations, created law, invented husbandry (that's keeping domestic animals by the way, not marriage; women invented marriage), built skyscrapers, invented cars, washing machines, antibiotics, toilets, computers, and microwave ovens, and generally dragged us out of caves and into condos. Don't kid yourself: men did it all. If it were up to women we'd still be living in caves and dying at 20. I know that men did it all because I know why they did it: they hoped that it would stop women complaining. It didn't.

If you listen to your girlfriend's bitching and try to make everything better, you'll suffer the same fate as all the men who came before: you'll run yourself ragged, and at the end of it all she'll still be bitching. If you ignore all but the most important complaints, she'll bitch about that, too, but you'll feel far better about your life.

MYTH: Men don't listen to women because men don't care about women.

TRUTH: Men ignore women because women normally have nothing worthwhile to say. This is not a condemnation of women, but rather a difference in what talking is for. This is one of the few areas where John Gray has something useful to say. Men mull things over, organize things in their heads, then speak. Men have to do this because they have to get things done, and if they blabbered all day long about nothing in particular then eventually other men would pay them no attention. Men talk to communicate ideas, negotiate compromises, and secure cooperation. Life and experience has taught men to be brief and pithy.

Women talk to organize their thoughts. It's the difference between doing the math problem in your head and writing the answer at the top of the page, and scribbling all over the page in order to arrive at the answer in the bottom corner. Women want men to listen to them. Women want men to follow along as they scribble all over the page, not just wait for the answer. Quite frankly, who cares? As I mentioned above, there are lots of things that women don't want to hear from men. If you want to talk about these things, you'll have to find some other men who want to listen, because she sure as hell won't. If she wants to attach her mouth to her brain and vocalize all of her mental processes then she should find someone who cares to listen, in other words another woman.

MYTH: She said she loves me. She must think I'm really special.

TRUTH: When women say, "I love you" it can mean almost anything. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," "I'm desperate to get married and have babies and you're the best thing I've come across so far," "You're better than the last jerk I went out with," "You're the best guy I've come across this week," "All my girlfriends are in love and I want to be too," "I have a million problems and I want you to feel obliged to listen to them," "I want another date and I want you to feel like you have to ask me out again," "It's time I put my foot down and started controlling you," and any number of other things. OK, most women think they mean it when they say, "I love you." However, remember the old saying, "It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind"? She loves you this minute. Maybe today. Maybe this week. Maybe even this month. However, this says nothing about how she will feel next month, next week, or tomorrow.

One of the biggest problems men like me have is that when we say, "I love you" to a woman we want to really mean it. Like "I love you forever." Men don't understand that a woman can say, "I love you forever" and change her mind next week. All she does is convinces herself that in hindsight, and despite everything you've ever said or done, you never really loved her, so all the times she said, "I love you" didn't really count. You have to learn to use the same language. Go ahead and say, "I love you," but inside your head say, "I love you right now. Tomorrow may be a different story." When you break up and she screams that you said you loved her, tell her that you did, but she did this and that and now you don't love her any more. When women say, "I love you" they aren't promising eternal devotion, so why should you be? One day you'll meet a woman who says, "I love you" and it'll really hit home. You'll test her love a bit and it will hold up. That's the one you marry.

MYTH: Women understand relationships; men don't.

TRUTH: This myth is perpetuated by women, pussy-whipped men, and psychiatrists. If women truly understood relationships... that is, if they understood relationships with men... then we wouldn't have a 45% divorce rate. Maybe back in the pioneer days women understood relationships. These days, they have coffee with their girlfriends, talk about "men", examine and dissect relationships, study interpersonal dynamics, talk, talk, talk about what works and what doesn't, then go out and perfectly screw up their next relationship. I know. I've watched it happen from the sidelines.

Women spend more time analyzing relationships; they talk about them incessantly, and in doing so discover more truths than men know. However, all of this talk in a vacuum also means that their heads are filled with more bullshit and myth than are men's. The combination of superior insight and copious nonsense puts them right back where we are. Men tend to see what's going on in a relationship more clearly, but have no idea how to express what they see or what to do about it. Women would probably know what to do about it if they could only see it as it truly is, instead of through a fog of preconception.

The other big difference between the sexes is that women are absolutely certain that they know what is going on, whereas men make no such claim. The last man who claimed to have his own radical theories about relationships was Freud, and nobody pays any attention to him any more. It is women's ideas about relationships and why they do or don't work that have been imported lock, stock, and barrel into the field of psychiatry. Most male therapists you'll meet are basically honorary women with university degrees, and as such they don't really understand relationships either.

MYTH: Women are fairer and more even-handed than men

TRUTH: Nothing could be further from the truth. Traditionally men have favoured the same rules for everyone: "He who lives by the sword dies by the sword." Women on the other hand make up the rules as they go along. Although women's approach is patently unfair, it was valuable when they had to be the ones to point out that the rules needed to be changed, or that the rules should be bent in some cases. Back then they did this for the good of everyone. These days men still feel bound by rules, but women are in a conflict of interest. They still keep watch over the rules and break them as they always have, but now they modify and break the rules in their own favour.

Men's justice is often harsh, but it's fair. Women's justice is arbitrary and these days often self-serving. (Liberal "situational ethics" are essentially the same as women's ethics.) You'll find this out quickly in a relationship. The joke going around about "The Rules" and how women change them all the time isn't such a joke. It's a documentary. If you doubt this, think of it this way. A man caught breaking or bending the rules of good behaviour will become either defensive or repentant; his wife will beat him over the head with his transgression for months, if not years. A woman caught modifying the rules of good behaviour to suit herself will giggle and freely admit it. She thinks it's a game.

MYTH: Women do a lot for the relationship; men do a lot for themselves

TRUTH: My ex-girlfriend invented a little ditty that made her puff up with smug, self-satisfied pride. It went like this, "Women think of 'we'; men think of 'me'." OK, so e.e. cummings she wasn't. The point is that she actually believed this, and a lot of other women do, too. She thought that she was living and breathing our "relationship," while I was just kind of hanging around and taking up space. Meanwhile, I drove her everywhere (she couldn't drive), I spent hours making her gifts and writing her notes, and I spent hours thinking about what was going on with us and where we were going.

The truth of the matter is that women don't think of 'we' any more or less often than men do. Women think of their own needs most of the time, too. The difference is that women redefine their own needs as being those of "the relationship". For example, when a man needs to talk to his belle about something, he says, "I need to talk to you." When a woman needs to talk to her beau about something, she says, "We need to talk." Notice the difference? Suddenly what she needs becomes what we need. Women do this all the time, and then pout and whine that they work so hard at the relationship and you don't. In fact they're just playing with words.

The other truth is that there are two relationships: the one you're really in—the one that exists between you and her—and the one in her head. Remember how women are always talking and theorizing about "relationships"? Well, much of what she defines as "our relationship" is really just a collection of theories and prejudices from past conversations with her girlfriends, and has nothing to do with what's going on between the two of you. In that sense, even if she is doing more for "the relationship," it isn't necessarily anything that concerns her real relationship with you.

MYTH: Women are more involved in the relationship; men are more aloof.

TRUTH: Finally one that's true. The false part is the assumption that being deeply involved in the relationship is always a good thing, and that aloofness is fatal to relationships. If you doubt this, look around you and find a couple in which both people do little else but sit around with each other and talk, and watch how fast the relationship blows itself apart. Every relationship has to have a balance between looking inward and looking outward. Most women who complain that their men don't pay enough attention to "the relationship" aren't seeing the relationship clearly and/or are buried in "the relationship" up to their necks and so are creating more problems than they solve. Recently I was skimming a book by Dr. Laura and saw a chapter that gets this one right. Where is it written that when a man wants to go back to college and a woman wants to get married, and she gets angry that he's "not thinking of the relationship" that she's automatically right? Maybe the right thing to do at that moment is for both of them to go back to college for a couple of years. Women confuse obsessing about "the relationship" with healthy involvement, particularly considering that half the time they're seeing stuff that isn't even there. Sometimes your relationship needs more attention than you're giving it; other times she's smothering it. The assumption that more involvement equals more love simply isn't true.

MYTH: When she says no, she means no (so why am I so confused)?

TRUTH: Nobody means no every time they say "no." Think about it: do you? You've never said no when you were too shy to say yes? You've never said no because you were nervous, didn't know what you were getting into, and didn't really have time to think about your answer? You've never said no because you thought that was the right thing to do even though you really wanted to say yes? You've never said no and then changed your mind? You've never said no as a joke, just to get a rise out of someone, when you really meant yes?

I've done all of these things at one time or another; most men I know have, and most women I know have as well. However, for men there's a catch. If she's prone to saying no when she really means yes, then you should dump her. Immediately. Especially if she's told you in no uncertain terms "no" and then starts dropping huge hints that you're supposed to ignore this and go for it anyway. Dump the bitch. This is just far too dangerous. If you doubt this, imagine sitting in court, accused of rape. "Did she tell you no, Mr. Smith?" "Yeah, but afterward she tried to rip my pants off, then stripped naked and sat on my face!" "But did she say no, Mr. Smith?" "Umm... yes she did." "Case closed."

I once went out with a woman who told me, on our second date, that there was no way she would sleep with me, that her ex-boyfriend was coming to visit and that it would be "too complicated" if she were sleeping with me when he came to stay. On our third date she did everything to let me know that she wanted me, including lying on my bed, making comments about removing her clothes for a nude massage. Spooked, I drove her home, dropped her off, and never went out with her again. I consider it one of the smartest things I've done in my dating life. (Incidentally, apparently so does she. Every time I meet her she asks why I don't call her any more.)

MYTH: Women are social geniuses; all women get along well with each other, while men just fight

TRUTH: I lived in a mixed-sex dorm for two years in university where each floor was segregated by sex. It alternated: one floor men, one floor women, one floor men, etc. A few nearby residences were completely mixed. A couple of the men's floors looked much the worse for wear at the end of the year. You know, men are so destructive. The women's floors all looked perfect. All the girls were smiling and friendly. Talk to any of them, however, and they'd tell you that they hated living on an all-female floor, and every last damned one of them was moving to the mixed dorms the very next year, and not with each other. According to them, underneath the tidy rooms and smiles were claws and forked tongues. Every day was a quiet, mannerly, pitched social battle. The men, on the other hand, got along just fine with only a few exceptions. Most of us were quite happy where we were, the only complaint being that we didn't see the ladies enough.

One thing that is true along the lines of this myth is that any woman will defend another woman against a man, even a woman that she doesn't know. Start bad-mouthing women, even a particular woman that isn't known to "present company," and you'll find women defending her even though they have no idea what's going on. If anyone—a woman or another man—verbally attacks a man, other men will not jump in and defend him. Why? Men assume that other men can look after themselves and, after all, they're competition. Women assume that an attack on one woman is an attack on all women.

BITTER MYTH: Women are all the same.

TRUTH: Women are not all the same, and in particular women change with age. A woman who wouldn't give you a second look at 15 may be asking you out at 35. In part this is the dreaded "biological clock" at work, but in part it's also changing priorities. At 15 she wants to impress all of her friends with her "catch" and she is starting to learn to control men. She wants variety and excitement. At 25 she wants to have fun with no strings attached and wants to hone her controlling skills. She wants more stability but she doesn't want Ward Cleaver or Bill Gates. At 35 she realizes that the fun days are over and it's time to settle down and get serious.

Boring, nerdy guys who were dog meat at 15 can be studs at 35. The guys grow up and mature, they learn to need women less, and they settle into a life of resigned solitude, which means that they cheer up because they're no longer striving for something they can't have. The field narrows, and there are fewer single guys with no divorce history. Finally, her priorities have changed. She's no longer impressed by "bad boys" on motorcycles with a few convictions for petty crime. She knows that her friends aren't impressed by flashy, fast-living rogues any longer, any more than they're still impressed by fashions from Suzy Creamcheese. She's more interested in building a nest than impressing her friends anyway (and she knows that building a nest is what will impress them). So, just because you can't get anywhere now doesn't mean that your whole life will be a write-off. Take a clue from me: I never had a single date in high school. I had one girlfriend for a year in University. Ten years later I was beating women off with a stick.

Best exam answer ever! (gif)

2006-05-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

Interview with god..

2006-03-23T06:08:00.000-08:00

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html

Continental Divide - Movie Review

2006-03-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

A romantic comedy featuring John Belushi and Blair Brown.
The story is abt how an ace reporter falls for an eagle researcher.

What I found interesting about this movie is the choices that the lead pair had to make.
Both were deeply in love with each other, but their lives were poles apart. The researcher had devoted all her life to nature studies and had to live in the mountains to pursue her work and the reporter had his life in the city. Living together meant that atleast one of them had to sacrifice his/her life and all their life's work

The movie provide an amusing solution to their dilemma !!!!!!!!

What would you do if you had to make a choice lik that..
I wud say its a tuf call to make ....
Interestingly enuf it seems a fairly obvious choice for a select few.

The Art of Sucking Down

2006-03-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

From:
http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2006/03/the_art_of_suck.html

A friend who worked at O'Hare International Airport told me this story. He once watched a passenger absolutely scream at an airline ticket agent. The ticket agent, however, remained completely calm. After the tirade was over, my friend asked her how she could remain so calm, and she said, “That's easy. He's going to Paris, but his bags are going to Sydney.”

One of the great misconceptions of selling, pitching, and partnering--basically, any time you want to get someone to do something for you--is that you should suck up to the people with the big titles and “A list” designation. Sometimes you do--as you've already read in this blog, but the ability to suck up to the folks who don't have big titles but make the world run is more useful.

1. Understand the dynamic. Like it or not, here's how the world works: if you want something, you should be nice to the person (let's call him “Biff”) who can grant you that something. It doesn't matter whether you are more powerful, more famous, richer, better looking, or better educated. Biff has the power, so deal with it. Returning to the ticket agent episode, it makes no sense to piss off the one person who can help you. In this sense, there is no such thing as “sucking down.” You're always sucking up when you want something.

2. Understand their needs. You should try being a ticket agent, flight attendant, secretary, receptionist, waiter, or customer service rep for a day. Then you'd learn that they're not getting paid a lot of money to put up with your crap, and they're dealing with their own sets of issues: perhaps a broken-down car, an unhappy spouse, a sick child at home, and maybe even a bozo boss. These people want to do a good job, make a living, and be happy, just as you do. The key word here is empathy. If you can empathize with them, you'll be much more successful dealing with them.

3. Be important. If you want to be treated as an important customer then be an important customer. That is, fly the same airline, eat at the same restaurant, and play hockey at the same rink. If you spread your business around, then don't be surprised if you get jacked around. I only eat at three restaurants in all of Silicon Valley: Gombei, Juban, and Buck's. I can get in anytime I want at these three restaurants--but only these three restaurants. I fly on United seventy five to 100 times a year. It takes great care of me. I fly Air Canada once a year. It puts me in a coach-class, center seat between two screaming babies. That's life.

4. Make them smile. A window occurs in the first thirty seconds of your interaction with Biff. In that brief time, if you can make him smile, you will differentiate yourself from 95% of the orifices that he deals with. Then you're much more likely to get an aisle seat, an appointment with the boss, an outside table, or step-by-step instructions to make Word print.

Simply beginning a conversation with, “How is your day going?” can break the ice. You know, and he knows, that you don't really care how his day is going, but at least you're civil enough to ask. That separates you from the pack of hyenas. Here are some opening lines that have worked for me. (Please provide more as comments because you can never have too many good ice breakers.)

• Restaurant maître'd: “Do you have reservations?” You answer: “I have no reservations whatsoever. I am absolutely certain that I want to eat here.”
• Airline ticket agent: “How can I help you?” You answer: “You could give me an upgrade to first class and ensure that my bag is the first one off the conveyor when I get there, but I'd be happy if you get me an aisle seat.”
• Secretary: “Will she know what you're calling about?” You answer: “Not unless she's clairvoyant and a masochist. But can I try to explain why you should grant me an audience with her?”

5. Don't try to buy your way in. Don't try to buy a person with flowers, candy, or an iTunes gift card. Realistically, the downside risk far exceeds the upside because you're likely to insult Biff by implying that he can be bought. Just be honest, be important, and have a legitimate rationale. That's a good enough case.

6. But do express your gratitude on the way out. I don't recommend trying to buy your way in, but once you are in, then it's appropriate to express your gratitude with gifts that are kind, but not extravagant. As my mother used to say, “Be nice to people on the way up because you're going to see them again on the way down.” You never know when you'll need help from Biff again.

7. Never complain. Let's say that you don't get what you want. Should you go over Biff's head and complain? This is seldom effective. Assuming that Biff is competent, he's not going to get fired because of your whining. Historically, pee is seldom more effective than honey. Persevere, and wear down Biff's defenses with humor, dedication, and empathy, but never go over his head.

8. Rack up the karmic points. I believe that there's a karmic scoreboard in the sky. It keeps track of how many points you've earned and how many you've used. Therefore, when you have the opportunity to help others, do so--and do so with glee. You'll build up points, and someday your kindness will be returned to you. However, understand that you need to accrue these points before you need them--you cannot go negative.

9. Accept what cannot be changed. Sometimes things are just not meant to be: there are no more aisle seats, all the outside tables are taken, and the boss doesn't want to talk to any sales reps. If that's the case, shut up, and go on with life. Don't flatter yourself and believe that the airline is out to get you by assigning all the aisle seats to others. Life is too short to get upset by things like this.

I wholeheartedly recommend that you try these practices because I always seem to get an aisle seat, almost always get upgraded, and my luggage never gets sent to Australia. And getting to the same destination as your bags in a lousy seat is a helluva lot better than getting to a different destination than your bags in a lousy seat--all because you pissed Biff off.

Written at: United Airlines flight #559, Chicago to San Jose, upgraded to first class on less than twenty-four hours notice.

its true.... its all true....

2006-03-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

TOP FACTS ABOUT ENGINEERS
************************************************************************************

Engineers at work:
Assignme! nts solved by one and then carry out mass transfer operations
throughout the class
************************************************************************************

The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment Completion couldn't be possible)
************************************************************************************


Top two Engineering Rumours:
Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks
************************************************************************************

Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'What is this man, 60% o f the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire
engineering history' 'I am failing'

The ‘Keeping One's Options Open’ Mentality

2006-03-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

Interesting article abt how we lead our lives preparing for a better tomorrow but when tomorrow comes.. we do the same .. we prepare for a better day-after.. and we do this all our life, till life passes by...

Originally published in Taking Children Seriously, the paper journal (TCS 30).

Sarah Fitz-Claridge

There is a very nasty syndrome which parents sometimes inadvertently pass on to their children while trying to help their children have better lives. I call it the Keeping-One's-Options-Open mentality. Here is one example of what it looks like:

You study hard to ensure that you pass your school exams. In Britain that would be GCSE exams at the age of 16, which you do to keep your options open so that you can do A-level exams at 18 if you want to. Then you do A-levels to keep your options open in case you want to go to university.

Then you go to university to get a good degree (not necessarily one that you will enjoy) so you can get a good job. Then you take the wrong job (a ‘good’ job) and kowtow to your boss so that you can get promotion and thereby security, to keep your options open after retirement.

This is a very common syndrome in which people sacrifice themselves for the next phase of life, which itself consists of nothing but sacrificing themselves for the following phase.

A friend of mine, whom I'll call Henry, has this syndrome badly. He is so desperate to keep his options open and set himself up financially that life is passing him by. He is living for retirement, and totally forgetting to live now. And as retirement looms, he is increasingly fearing it. In this lifetime of unhappy sacrifice, he has systematically sacrificed his real interests, and has destroyed his capacity to acquire any. When I think of Aristotle's dictum: ‘The unexamined life is not worth living’, I think of my friend Henry. What has his life been for? It was supposed to have been for him.

And the most frightening thing of all is that in his desperate wish to help his daughter have a good life, he has successfully instilled in her the very same syndrome. She now studies hard whether she enjoys it or not in order not to end up in a dead-end job. Henry's job, apparently, is not a dead-end job, but it does take all his time from when he gets up to when he goes to sleep, almost every day, and this has been the case for the many years I have known him – and there is no reason to expect that to change.

As Herbert Spencer said in 1867, ‘A living thing is distinguished from a dead thing by the multiplicity of the changes at any moment taking place in it.‘ By that criterion, Henry is dead, or nearly.

Keeping one's options open closes off options.

It is not that doing exams or going to university closes off options in itself. Indeed, doing exams or going to university is just the right thing for some people at some point in their lives. But if you proceed mechanically through predetermined, standardised processes like exams in order to keep your options open, you are not doing what you otherwise would have done – namely, building up the capacity for making your own real choices – so you fail to build up a rich structure of things you enjoy, things you want.

Indeed, any time you do something to keep your options open instead of because you want to do whatever it is, you are falling into the Keeping-One's-Options-Open mistake.

For any human being who is not actually facing death by starvation or the firing squad, the hardest thing in life is not getting what you want – far from it – it is finding out (or rather, creating) what you want. That is what we deprive children of when we channel them into ‘keeping their options open’. It looks as though they are keeping their options open, but at each stage they are actually presented with only one option – the option where you do the standardized thing: something you can do without being human, by sacrificing the human part of yourself, the individual part.

If you do something you don't really want to do, how will you ever know if it was a mistake to do that? At least if you do something you do want to do, you will be able to tell later if that choice was a mistake.

A chap I knew many years ago, whom I'll call Patrick, was reading Medicine at Cambridge, and hated it. He had not chosen that course because he wanted to do medicine. He had chosen it reluctantly, on the advice of his mentor, Lord somebody-or-other, to keep his options open, in case he wanted to become a Member of Parliament.

Because Patrick was not expecting to enjoy Medicine, when, lo and behold, he did not enjoy it, that didn't give him any information about whether doing Medicine was a mistake or not. So he spent those years miserably getting his degree in Medicine instead of doing something he might have enjoyed. And after all that sacrifice, not only has he not become an MP, he hasn't even become a doctor. What a complete waste of time!

Contrast that with George Orwell (the author of 1984). Orwell had certain values and aspirations which made him want to go to fight for the government side in the Spanish Civil War in 1936. But he discovered that the situation there wasn't what he expected, not because of the ghastly conditions, but because the communists were slaughtering the anarchists who were on the same side, instead of the fascists they were all supposed to be fighting. He began to think deeply about why and how.

Because George Orwell (unlike Patrick) was there because he really wanted to be, he learnt an enormous amount as a human being. Making that particular mistake turned out to be what his life was for! It gave him new understanding and in particular, a deep understanding of the roots of totalitarianism. He became a great writer.

Fighting in a war isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it was his life and his choice to make, and his to learn from. We need to remember that, don't we? Our children must make their own choices in life.

Instead of channelling your children into your vision of what they should be or do, help them to pursue their own ends in life. Don't destroy their creativity by channelling them into the Keeping-One's-Options-Open Mentality. Ask yourself whether you might be doing or saying anything that might be channelling your children into this unfortunate syndrome and try to stop doing so. Do you ever suggest that your children study for a particular examination or set of examinations in order to keep their options open later? Do you ever suggest that your children ‘learn’ such-and-such in order to keep their options open in case they need it later? Do you advise your children to keep practising an instrument to keep their options open in case they want to pursue it professionally later?

Talk to your children about this syndrome explicitly, so that they may be, to some extent, protected from any inadvertent coercion you may be subjecting them to. Next time you feel the urge to ‘encourage’ them to take the Keeping One's Options Open route, remember my friend Henry and poor old Patrick.

And remember that this applies to you and your life too. Instead of going through life making yourself miserable by taking the ‘keeping one's options open’ route, take the route that you prefer – the one you really want. If you want to enjoy life in retirement, make choices you expect to enjoy now, or you'll be miserable both now and in retirement.

fear forever....

2006-03-02T09:12:00.000-08:00

We constantly live in fear.

Recaping a life of a normal individual...(mine actually)

Sk000lll..
During school life, we are worried that we shouldnt antagonize our principal or teachers,
cos we want to end up in some good college and we might need their help to do so.
Worser, antagonizing them might lead to dire consequences like Suspension which would be a bad thing to have while applying for colleges.

In college..
we dont want to get on the bad side of any Profs or the college Admin team, cos again
we cant afford a black mark. And we need their recos for higher education/jobs.

In Grad college..
Surprise Surprise.. fear remains..
there is again a much wanted need for those valuable recos to apply for jobs or phds..

and ... in jobs..
we dont want to get fired the first few years cos we are trying to lay a strong base for a proper career.

as time goes on..
we hav a family and again.. though we reach a respectable position we still dont want to get on anyones bad side cos we hav our family to think about.

and life goes on like this....
most of us live in constant worry and fear ....

imagine a life without fear.. well.. we probably wudnt cross stage 1 - high school.
one mite just drop out of it.. bcos he didnt lik his teachers attitude..

and this possibility of dropping out and quitting carries on until the last stage - a professional and a family man..

this usually ends up in ppl getting fired all the time.. and changing jobs..
or splitting up over and over again with ones spouses.

so is fear a good thing...????????

one might wonder. I for one dont think its such a good thing. But it has helped me control those animal instincts i get to go "hulk" and rip the head off the person who picked on me.. or acted high and mighty .. etc.... etc...

Funny UNIX Shell Commands

2006-02-28T06:10:00.000-08:00

Funny Unix csh/sh commands:

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

how to become a millionaire..

2006-02-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

naa..autograph

2006-02-26T22:26:00.000-08:00

This is one of those movies that makes u reflect about ur past. Though not as colorful as the one the character(sreenu) in this movie has, u realize that ur past was also colorful nonetheless...

The movie is abt the life of a normal person .. his encounters with the lov"s" of his life and their outcome...
After facing the same problems which the majority of the youth in India face in finding a job, sreenu finally manages to work his way up to attain fame and success. His path to success is hugely assisted by his friend - Divya.(another interesting character). Now he is about to get married (arranged) and he goes to meet his old friends and ex-sweethearts to invite them for his marriage. The story recaps his history with them before each of his encounters.

A bitter sweet love story, it makes the viewer remember his/her first crush... second crush.. .third crush :) and so on.... How did the first one slip away.. why didnt u reveal ur feelings to the second one. ..how wud hav life been different if it had worked with the third one... these are questions which dwell in the mind of sreenu as he goes to visit his exs'. and these are the questions that linger in the mind of the viewer long after the movie is over...

aaah.. how did the first one slip away.. why didnt I make my intentions known to the second one...
how wud hav life turned out if the third one had agreed....... ????????

a good movie to watch if one feels lik reminiscing..

mmmm... squash omelette..

2006-02-24T14:20:00.000-08:00

today I got a new recipe frm a friend..
i will hav to try it sometime soon....

and the recipe ~

Squash - Omelette:
saute yellow squash (size of zucchini) in olive oil with salt and pepper, then scramble in eggs and sprinkle cumin on top til eggs are done..

"its sooo good "
her words not mine...

Errr...

2006-02-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

Granted, computer terminology is frequently complicated and misleading. But shouldn't people know what they own?

My Friend: "What kind of processor do you have?"
Me: "A [name of processor]."
My Friend: "Oh, me too."
Another Guy: "Hey, I have a word processor!"

Tech Support: "What kind of modem do you have?"
Customer: "Oh, it's a 486."
Tech Support: "No, that's the kind of computer you have. Ok, how much memory do you have?"
Customer: "It's supposed to have one gigabyte."

Customer: "I'm about to get on a plane. Is it ok for Office to go through the X-ray machine?"

lawyers.. smart or not ????

2006-02-09T14:37:00.000-08:00

I just read a Perry Mason novel.
I am always amazed at how Stanley Gardener ends the story with a bang.
He waits till the very last minute and then connects all the dots and forms the entire picture
The picture seems so obvious once the dots are connected..

Lawyer Q&A's:
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Did he kill you?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Q:What is your date of birth?
A:July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

------------------------------------------------------------------

CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..."
WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God."
CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS: That's right.
CLERK: Repeat it.
WITNESS: "Repeat it".
CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
WITNESS: What you said when?
CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give."
CLERK: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!i
CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.
CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and."
CLERK: Say: "Nothing...".
WITNESS: Okay. (Witness remains silent.)
CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."?
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Well? Do so.
WITNESS: You're confusing me.
CLERK: Just say: "Nothing but the truth...".
CLERK: Yes.
WITNESS: Okay. I understand.
CLERK: Then say it.
WITNESS: What?
CLERK: "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: But I do! That's just it.
CLERK: You must say: "Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But", "The", "Truth".
WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now?
CLERK: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
WITNESS: "Nothing. But. The. Truth."
CLERK: Thank you.
WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar.

Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts

2006-02-02T12:10:00.000-08:00

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Additional Chuck Norris Facts

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.

* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up.

* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"

* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

* According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

2006-01-31T06:21:00.000-08:00

40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous .............. Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking .......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist .................... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first .......... Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............. Desperate
Outgoing ................... Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional .............. Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............... Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay

PS If you're offended, I apologize, but don't take things so personal

fun things to do.. when u want to fast forward time..

2006-01-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

Bored? Listless? Help is at hand!
Pass away the pointless hours with our list of things to do when you're bored

Things you can do with absolutely nothing
Things you can do with very little
Things you can do with another person

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Push your eyes for interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things your subconscious is trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?

See how long you can hold your breath
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

top

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH VERY LITTLE

See what's in your neighbour's rubbish/trash
(Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes)
You can learn a lot about people by what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them. Plus, they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR or some porn mags.

Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Sort of entertaining. Include flamboyant shoulder shrugs for added impact, or go for a Marlon Brando set of grunts.

Send spooky emails
(Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
Look up someone's CV on the web, do some research on them via Google and then send them an email full of personal references claiming to be an ex-work colleague who fell in love with their shoes. Or something.

Play our useless games
(Amusement Potential: how long have you got?)
Waste away the hours with our collection of useless games

Make prank phone calls
(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Try seeing if you can get them to make noises to 'test' the line. One to get you started off: Call McDonalds with weird complaints about their food.

Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you
Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.

Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don't step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and...AHHHHHH!!!!!

Try and sound Welsh
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
The key to sounding Welsh is to make sure that your voice goes up at the end of the sentence, so that everything sounds like a question. Throw in a superfluous 'isn't it?' at the end of everything you say and you're halfway there. Isn't it?

Burn things with a magnifying glass
(Amusement Potential: 5-30 minutes)
Ants are always fun to use for this, but burning the face of someone you don't like, under some circumstances, can be just as entertaining.

top

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ANOTHER PERSON

Have a water drinking contest
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
While the competition is fun, you probably won't feel too good afterward. To give your event an old western theme, slam the cups upside down on the tables after you have emptied them.

Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
This works on the "I have the feeling I'm being watched" principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?

Have a "Who is less competitive" competition
wonder (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.

Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view
(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.

Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can't blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.

Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck
(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one.

yavaag foreign ge?" (When are u going to)

2006-01-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

Got this mail a while back.. a funny yet realistic outlook
on the aunts and uncles who sometimes.. become a tad bit bothersome
to the indian techies..

Fwd:
It is lengthy but about our current life….

"....yavaag foreign ge?" (When are u going to
foreign?)

The familiar sentence is arguably one of the most
frequently asked questions, losing only slightly to
the even more grave one "...yavaag maduve?" (When are
u getting married?) to someone who unluckily happens
to be in the IT Industry and in Bangalore. There was
never a better conversation topic for the older
generation to suck every drop of blood the poor bloke
manages to save despite working as a techie.

It's a wave that everyone wants to be part of, and
everyone wants to show they know. The word computer is
now a house-hold name. A good relief for many topic
starved aunties and uncles, but our poor techie gets
stuck like a nail that's half into the wood when its
head decides to painfully break lose.

The popular following that IT has gotten in recent
years has been more due to the lucrative travel, than
what the techie believes is due to his work. This time
it is the uncles who have the upper hand in making a
conversation, owing to some 'extra' knowledge, thanks
to 'external' contacts. Aunties resign to just asking
"...yenappa computer aa?" (literally means "are u a
computer?", but it is supposed to be "Are you working
in the IT field?" One must be ready to field a volley
of smirks and barrage of questions, if the victim
answers a "no", though it would be the right answer
for such a question. For if you are not part of the
bandwagon, and then you'd rather term yourself a
foolish old crackpot and be happy with that, than get
a loathsome look from the omnipresent aunty.

IT has such a popular following here, most do not know
what they are following, but just drift along to be
'seen'. Our aunty gets into her form, and asks our
techie, "you computer, my son also computer" ...our
techie, just out of a ctrl-alt-tab-enter, has no idea
how to respond to this inhuman portrayal, by the
aunty, of her son. He just smiles and says "wonderful
aunty, which company?" and is hardly interested in
what he hears. The aunty carries on. " nun maga
sapoo" (my son sapoo) ...the indianised MNC becomes
"sapoo" from SAP, while our techie replies back, "I
work for GE".aunty is a bit concerned on hearing that,
and blurts out "is it a good company ? didn't u get in
infosys ?"...techie is at his wits end to explain;
aunty is in no mood to understand. aunt's techie son
is blushing ear to ear.

while the general social understanding of an IT
company hovers between Infosys and Wipro, some good
souls give respect to "Vorakal" too. So aunties are
generally happy if one is from any of these companies.
The other companies will only mean a detailed
interrogation about the techie's academic credentials,
past criminal record, if any, and a sure minus point
as a prospective groom.

It is the conversation between aunties that is the
funniest and amazingly astonishing. Recently one of my
cousins went onsite, and I being the scape goat, who
still 'had' to be in India, was the butt of all
discussions.

aunty1: "foreign ge yaavaga ivnu hogodu?" (when is he
going onsite?)
aunty2: "gothilla, innenu swalpa divsdalley
hogthaaneno" (He might go in some days!)
aunty1: "hmmm...they say only brilliants (sic) are
sent onsite"
aunty2: "that's true!"

I was being murdered inch by inch, neat and clean. My
reputation in tatters.

This is even bearable, but get this, if a techie
manages to stumble on an onsite travel but is
cancelled on that last millisecond, and then his
future is doomed, for aunties will have a field day
dissecting him and nailing him for not working well at
the office. I have been most unfortunate in this case,
so much so that if I had got a call to abort the
travel 2 seconds later than what I got, I might have
had to jump off the plane mid-air.

aunties started flowing in from early evening that
day, some trying to stay oblivious of the situation,
some trying hard to keep a straight face, and a few
more giving their own versions of my story, which by
the way I never told anyone!...well one aunty even had
the nerve to ask me "did you have a fight with your
manager?". well I was kind enough to say "no aunty,
project got scrapped ", only to realize that the aunty
had no idea what a project meant, and instead pressed
me to agree that I had indeed done some
mistake...finally she let me go when I blurted out "my
manager had a fight with the airlines"....well that
was enough for me to roll over on the floor and laugh
at her, despite the 'humiliation' of not going onsite.

uncles are not far off, and are ever more eager to
learn 'computers'. One uncle was particularly curious
to know as to why we guys were paid for playing
computer games !...apparently he was of this view
after he had seen his 9 year old son only playing
games on his newly bought comp. I knew better than to
explain, so I told him that it was because if we won,
the company would get money. uncle's spirits rose, and
in all probability he would have gone home and
pestered his innocent 9 year old son to teach him to
play games in the hopes of joining a IT company in
future !

uncles are a little more "knowledgeable" though. One
uncle came to me one day, when I made the suicidal
mistake of attending a social gathering full of
aunties and uncles, and asked me as to which company I
worked for, and I answered him hoping he would stop
there. however , uncle had no such intention and
carried on " yaav language ?" (which language)
...though stunned, i replied back "c sharp uncle"
...uncle's face glowed and then he said " nun maga
Java , c# bidhoithanthey!" (My son works on JAVA, C
sharp has long fallen from grace) ..In most uncles
view, languages are like company shares, the value of
which keeps fluctuating on an hourly basis.

Though salary is something of a sensitive issue,
uncles don't give didly-squat about that and continue
questioning the techie on the same. I was ripped apart
when i told my uncle that my gross was 25k, to which
my uncle in suspended euphoria exclaimed that his son
earned 2.5 lakh per month at onsite. Having no room to
argue, i kept mum, when my uncle went off again "why
don't u ask your manager for a raise".... I told him i
would consider his advice and ask, though my manager
was bit of a dragon, unlike my uncle's son's manger,
who was a saint just short of a halo!

Even weirder is the funny way in which people take
those mails managers send to techies and their team,
as to the good work being done. one of my cousins who
recently joined my company got such a mail from his
manager, and he thought it was a good idea to take a
print out and show it to his father, a folly he still
regrets to this day. My uncle not only read the copy,
but made a hundred photocopies and distributed it as
pamphlets to his near and dear ones. My dad got one
too, and i had to field some intense questioning at
home, since i had not managed to get one such letter
even once ! i had even gone to the extent of thinking
about printing one on my own just to escape the
'humiliation'.

while it's often funny to listen to the weird
misconceptions people have about IT, it gets
irritating if it goes too far. It would be a boring
place without the aunties and the uncles, but it would
be a wonderful place, if they knew better than to draw
conclusions about one's work, of which they know so
less about !

2005-12-23T06:20:00.000-08:00

ta ra rum pum pum.. its C H R I S T M A S time...

2005-12-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

its going to be christmas, and though I dont have any plans as such.. its still nice to know that
everyone is gonna hav such fun during the christmas weekend..

summin the fun events ....
family get togethers..
christmas dinner.. (yummm..)
getting updated abt each others lives...
opening the gifts(which is a very exciting part of christmas)..
watching all those christmas classics..

christmas is here.. christmas is here..

i just feel good abt it.. the semester has ended.. and though i hav to work :( full time
and not get to hav a week long vacation,
the days off are still gonna be fun..

signs......

2005-11-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

ha....if only i could join in...

2005-10-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say

2005-10-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the heck was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

...battle of the sexes

2005-10-05T13:32:00.000-07:00

Following is a funny post that I came across.

===========================================================

The following was submitted by an English professor at American University:

"Today we will experiment with a new form of writing called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person
will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca and Gary.

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know that she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.

With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 285 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch.

(Rebecca)
Get fucked.

(Gary)
Eat shit.

(Rebecca)
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea, whore.

(Teacher)
Grade: A+. I really liked this one.

lawyer jokes... laying the law the way they want

2005-09-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

=================================================
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering while I was performing an autopsy on him!
================================================

What type of tracks?
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

================================================

Replacing lab rats with lawyers
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.

2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.

3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.

4. There are some things even a rat won't do

==============================================

You've changed my mind
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t."
==============================================

bugs bunny rulz...

2005-09-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

i came across this really neat site with a lot of wav files of tv series...

heard a few of em.. but the the link to bugs frm the looney tunes page was really awesome...

aaa..... whats up doc....

Wedding crashers..(beware.. they will crash ur party)

2005-07-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

this is one hilarious movie..
the movie starts of funny and ends kinda in a mellow feel good way..
owen wilson and vince vaughn make a good comedic pair....
rachael adams looks reallllyyyyy cute in this movie..

the pairing of the odd couple ..vince vaughn and isla fisher.. worked out very well.
as the innocent spoilt brat who turns out to be
"one freaky kid" isla is awesome in her role..

though the movie has an awesome cast, most of them dont hav much to do and are wasted in their parts...

the dinner and the football scenes are really funny ;) shldnt miss those two...
the movie starts of with the duo having a ball in all kinds of weddings

over all.. its a movie worth watching and definitely worth remembering...

first posting

2005-07-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

i hope that this blog would contain my views on a range of topics primarily covering
movies, news, general info, books, and life as such....

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